October 5, 2006

• Lonely Days

  I watched an episode of an anime today that was painfully remeniscent of some recent times. It is just a rather silly anime, but the context of this particular episode was of a female character having her birthday. She, being part of the royal family from her country, was used to everyone caring about her and making a big deal on her birthday. She was dissapointed when it appeared none of the girls (or the guy) in her house was going to do a party that evening. However, she caught onto a bit of a conspiracy- using high tech ‘tin can’ listening devices she overheard talk of a cake, and keeping it secret until they took it out in the evening. She realised that everyone was, in point of fact, really taking pains to surprise her- even the michevious little one who was normally rather mean to her was getting her a cake. She waited in her room until evening, when the surprise would happen. There was a knock on the door- and there, fluttering, was a lone little bird (their pet bird, which talks apparently) with a birthday party hat on… nobody else. She hugged the bird, and then said “Well, we could always use chicken nuggets after the cake!” to which the bird quickly avoided her hug (little silly spot).

  She went down, happily, and opened the door- to see everyone eating cake. Apparently the little girl who didn’t like her got ahold of cake, but there wasn’t enough for all of them- so, since she worked hard for it, she thought it would be kindest just to not tell her about it. She didn’t really like her much either. The only one who knew about her birthday was the little bird. She cried, and isntead of getting angry like they expected, told them they were cruel and ran off.

  Then the bird explained, sadly, why she was upset. The Mom of the house was the only other one who knew- and apparently had a back up cake ready.

  Memories

  It’s a little silly sounding, but sadly- it really made me remember a lot of recent birthdays and special times. In my household, special days like birthdays were always a really big deal. We each were made to feel special, and Mom always went out of her way to give us things we wanted, give us big parties, and Colleen and I always felt so loved on our birthdays.

  Then in college, where I felt I’d built up friendships- I had expected a surprise birthday, just like in that cartoon, only for the evening to come… and suddenly, I realised, nobody was doing anything. Even though they knew about it, my closest friends were off doing other things.

  It was a realisation that even though to me they were my dearest friends, they were my only close friends whilest they had other friends they considered closer and had known longer. I didn’t, save for my fiancee and family (at this time, Kat was of course at college and couldn’t be there for my birthday).

  

  Now

  Now, I don’t really have many around me save my family- as a people person and an extrovert, it’s rather lonely. I think God’s put on my heart the best way to make up for this is to make sure those I do know don’t feel the same way on their special days. If I focus on giving the attention and love I know others need (God’s commandment to love others as we love ourselves), even if it isn’t returned God will use those times to strengthen me and give me the fulfillment I feel lacking at present.

  I think the most important thing as a follower of Jesus in times of loneliness is allowing that feeling to be given to God, and turned into motivation to love others- to fill our emtpiness by filling other’s in His name.

  -Patrick

  • 12:40 pm
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