March 9, 2007
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I’m reminding myself today that it is better to eat LOTS of really healthy food, than to eat very little with occasional bursts of unhealthy food.
I had some carrots today, a whole grain roll, a little fresh apple juice from home-juiced apples, lots of gatoraid, a romaine salad with oil and vinegar, and then I’ll admit I kind of splurged this evening with a gyro. But I feel better about that than just skimping all day and then splurging for dinner. I can’t help but be worried by my emerging ‘pot belly’ and seeing how my face is filling out- it’s probably just a normal full right now, but if it keeps at it it will go beyond that. I see my older Brother and my Dad, and how they developed around my age into their 30′s, and I am terrified of becoming… well, fat. And, not to be rude, but they are both overweight and I never want to get that way. The last few weeks it’s been predominant on my mind, but seeing a few other blogs on her have cautioned me how I have to be VERY careful how I go about loosing the weight I’ve gained and keeping a healthy weight.
-Patrick
Comments (3)
Hello Pat. I’m glad you saw my blog. This is truly not something that you want to get close to not at all. And a word of advise, don’t look at any eating disordered sites. Don’t even be tempted. Please. It get worse as you become more aware of it. Looking at sites like that feeds the sickness even more. I dont think it’s taboo guys with eating disorders. Not all. All I can say is that eating right, and excersice will help. You dont have to hit the gym and run like 10 miles eachday. Walking is man’s best remedy. Some Greek philospher said that. And DDR, it’s a dancing game, It’s really really fun and good for you.
Why is being fat so scary for you? Are you scared of becoming like your dad? Like not only physically, but a little deeper than that…?
For me, this…disorder…started out about looks, but it evolved into something else. It became a way to “repent” for my sins, specially after I got sexually involved with this boy. Then it just became something i needed to do. No questions asked. As I try hard to recover, physically i am fine, I could be eating more…but…my head just gets sicker..and in such a quiet way that it’s just plain scary.
I hope you do well! Keep me updated on your thoughts.
Read a bit of your blog and must say I am happy for you to make the only intelligent decision and do it healthy. And as allready said, don’t look at any ED sights.. It’s only tempting you in the wrong direction… Sadly.
I am thankful for you kind advise. And understand you really want to support me but I can’t say that I am able to do as you suggested right now.
I know very well that beauty only is a cultural matter. In fact I studies beauty out from historical and cultural references and finds it most interesting- But it does unfortunatly change the fact that I feel miserable in my own skin. We do get inflicted by our culture and for some, like me it becomes a way to canaling other issues, issues I yet don’t know what they are.
The peace, happiness and tranquility this “break” gives me is undescribable. It doesn’t make it the right choice, but it was my only choice today. I don’t think I would have been able to get up from bed any other way. It do scares me to see how weak I am getting, and how strong “the voice of ED” has become. But it still taught me a lot about my illness. Giving in to it like this. With eyes open.
So I am thankful for your kind advice, even if I wont be able to follow it. Not today.
Hope you had a good day anyway- And keep up a health diet, don’t go “here” It’s no fun place… at all.
/Siri
Blackmore’s Night is the artist. Do you know who Ritchie Blackmore is? Yeah, from Deep Purple and that stuff. He started it with his fiance Candice.