March 16, 2007

• Blow Drying with Conviction

  Quick Dry

   

  When I married my
  Wife, I had a bit of a private and unique habit I had developed for drying
  quickly after a shower. To me, it seemed to make pretty good sense- she laughed
  at it at first, but then suddenly she picked it up and was advising her friends
  to try it. I thought I’d pass it on for your laughter, though I think maybe
  some of you who laugh will later try it and find it particularly useful.

   

  Ever get out of the
  shower, towel dry, and then put on your pants and shirt- only to feel some damp
  spots you missed? I just hate that feeling, knowing that my clean, dry, warm
  underwear and clothes are now damp. There’s nothing better than taking a nice
  shower and then getting into dry clothes and being completely dry. Well, I
  never was much for blow drying my hair, but my Sister and Mom were- there was a
  blow dryer in every bathroom. So one day, I thought about it- the whole reason
  I was damp was because the towel just wasn’t as effective in finishing the job,
  and as a guy… well, we have hair to deal with that most ladies do not. Laugh if
  you will, but it is just true. A towel won’t always cut it, even a big one.

   

  So, I tried the hair
  dryer on the spots that are typically missed- you know what I mean, those damp
  spots that the towel just doesn’t always cover. I even use it on my neck,
  because when I use my electric shaver my skin has to be –totally- dry, and the
  blow dryer does that nicely.

   

  Yes, Kat laughed when
  she saw me doing this early on in our marriage- but now, I walk in and see her
  doing it too. Who’s laughing now? J Try it sometime- though I highly recommend
  that you use your dyers warm or cool setting, hot is NOT advisable especially
  in tender places!

   

  Mentor Meeting

   

  Well, my friend and
  associate pastor Gary came by today to our home. He comes to our house, because
  during the day I don’t have a car- Kat has it- and so he is kind enough to come
  to us.

   

  I understand why women
  often do that ‘last minute chicken-with-your-head-cut-off clean up the house
  like CRAZY’ dash when people visit, now. Kat had forgotten Gary was coming, and
  so she cleaned up a bit, but you could see things stuffed here and there
  (clothes in the entertainment centre, hee hee; toys on the floor). It really
  wasn’t messy, but it wasn’t ‘completely clean’ either- for a family with a
  child, it was fine. Anyway, Gary worked for the social services prior to being
  a pastor, so he has an eye for details. He looked around, looked me in the eye,
  and said “Patrick, this is unacceptable. Your Wife should be able to come home
  from work every day to a completely clean house. The glass on the doorsteps,
  you should have cleaned that up immediately- it shouldn’t be there.” He hit me
  (verbally, of course, not really!) hard, and repeatedly. These are your
  responsibilities, and this is what you should be doing.

   

  He was encouraging
  too, and gave me a hug when he left, but he pulled NO punches. He was also
  sympathetic, in that he expressed that I was doing a job (just as Kat was) that
  I wasn’t ‘wired for’- here I was trying to be a better homemaker, when Kat was
  wired to do that and I should be the one supporting the family primarily. But
  he understood how for this season in our lives, this is how it needs to be- and
  so I have an extra hard task ahead of me, trying to grow in an area that’s
  naturally difficult for men to grow in.

   

  As the homemaker,
  though, I have a job to do- and as a husband that job is even harder, because a
  husband should always do more work in a day than his Wife, and handle any
  ‘rough edges’ his Wife has trouble handling (ie- if the room is a little dirty
  here and there, even if its Kat’s job to clean it, I should polish it off for
  her, etc). Most importantly though, as a spouse I should be focusing on my job
  and how I can help Kat do hers- not on Kat’s job, and what she isn’t doing. And
  when she IS struggling in doing her job, or meeting my needs, it can be traced
  back to what I am not doing, myself to support her. It is all
  interconnected- as spouses, male or female, I promise you that if you look at
  ways your spouse is failing to meet your needs you can find a way that you
  could be helping them or failing them (sometimes they aren’t directly
  connected, either.).

   

  I learned from our
  “The Power of a Praying Husband” Wed night men’s meeting, that I’m looking to
  my Wife for affirmation- unlike most men, who are physically attracted to their
  Wives as the basis for their early love, we met online and my first attraction
  was based on her affirmation of me and respect for me (that usually comes AFTER
  physical attraction with many men). So as she began to affirm and respect me
  less, my attraction was less- and I learned that I need to receive my
  affirmation from God through prayer and quiet time, not depend on DW for it.
  The fact I depended on her made her see me as weak, which made her respect and
  affirm me less, which made me feel weaker, etc, etc. As I depend on God for
  that affirmation, I gain strength- as I gain strength and meet her needs
  instead of seeking for her to meet mine, it will be easier for her to
  eventually respect and affirm me, which will only add to my strength and
  caring. But I must take those first positive steps. She cannot MAKE me depend
  on God- I must choose too.

   

  Whether you are a
  husband or a wife, it is important to depend on God- and not seek to meet all
  your needs with your spouse, who will always fail to do so properly. And most
  importantly, when my DW is struggling or failing to meet certain needs because
  of bondage to her past or weaknesses, it is my job to pray for her regularly.
  What I cannot change, God can. Prayer changes both my Wife, AND MYSELF. J

   

  -Patrick

  • 11:58 am
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