Month: December 2013

  • The Pride of Universal Guilt

    The World on Her Shoulders

    The World on Her Shoulders

    A person with the “Pride of Universal Guilt” carries “a form of vanity and egomania.  She holds herself responsible for things that could not possibly be her fault.  As if she controlled everything, as if other people’s suffering came about as punishment for her sins…. She blames herself.” (1)The idea of being out of control, of having no control or part in a situation or the world around, is terrifying.  People long for control, from childhood we seek to understand our world and then to find some means or illusion of control within it to provide security and achieve what we want.  As a parent of a little boy who was born with a speech delay and did not speak understandable sentences until after he was six, I experienced saw directly how a parent would rather find some or many reasons they caused their own child to be disabled, rather than accept that they had absolutely no control.  ”We should have had a c-section”, or “we should not have let him get immunizations”, or any number of things.

    I find the term “pride of universal guilt” interesting, as it recognises the root of this is pride: that “I” am great enough that surely anything that happens is caused by my doing, is my fault.  If I wanted someone to die, and they die:  then “it is my fault”.  Children often struggle with this concept of feeling everything that happens around them is in response to their thoughts, actions and desires- according to my father, child psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Dr. Clyde Flanagan.  It is something we often carry with us into adulthood, not really aware of it until something happens that shows us how little control we have.
    It is at this point that we must accept our own powerlessness.  For the person who believes in God, we can have faith that 1)  God IS in control, and 2)  God shows love for us and grace towards us (made manifest in the birth and death of a certain carpenter from Nazareth).  When we accept forgiveness which comes at no cost to us and every cost to Him, and follow Him, this does not mean our life will be free of painful things that seem hard to understand.  In some cases it may take gazing back at the wandering journey of our lives from future vantage point, to see just how blessed we were.
    Do we, in pride, create a world in which everything revolves around us and we are responsible for every wrong and negative?  Or do we accept the reality of a world in which situations are out of our control, and the only true and non-illusory security we can receive is in God?
    (1)  Orson Scott Card, Speaker of the Dead
    (2)  Art created specifically for this post by Charlotte11
    Anotation:  I find it continually fascinating how, as I read a book by a clearly brilliant author that clearly did not intend a specifically Christian meaning to his work, the Spirit continues to teach me as though that meaning were there.  There are often seeds of truth buried in perspectives other than our own: do we, in fear, evade them or plug our ears like a child?  Or do we listen, and trust the Spirit inside us to aide us in “separating the wheat from the chaff”?

  • A Contractor’s Debt

    A Contractor’s Debt

    By Coroloro (P.R.F.)

    Written: 08/25/2006 at 5:22 PM

     

    A contractor, to avoid being in debt to a bank, had built up a debt to a wealthy older man. This man was a business man and had a great sum of money, however when the contractor found himself unable to get a sufficient job to continue paying off his debt the older debtor told him that he could pay off his debt by building houses for him- he would receive room and board and enough money to live moderately on, but the rest would go towards paying off his debt. The contractor began with enthusiasm and gratitude- instead of holding him to pay it off or face penalties like he could have done, the older man had given him not only the way to pay it off but also a job. After several months of skilled and successful work on houses, the older man came to the contractor.

     

    “You have done a wonderful job. Even with top pay, however, you would be paying this off until the day you die. If you agree, I shall make you a deal- I will clear you of all debt, and in return request a signed contract that you will work a minimum of ten years with me just as you are presently doing. After that, you may choose what to do next- free of debt to any.” The contractor was overjoyed, and heartily agreed.

     

    Years later, the older man had the contractor working on a particularly beautiful and large house.  It was similar to the ones he had built already, but much fancier. The contractor was summoned to the man’s finely furnished office one day and told he would be delivering several messages to retired people who had caught the older man’s eye and he felt deserved a comfortable life in return for hard and heartfelt volunteer service they had given. The message to deliver was that he was building each of them their own house, sparing no expense, and they would have a lovely grand home to invite their family into to live our their days. The contractor knew just how true it was that these homes were sparing no expense- he had personally overseen their construction and was overseeing one even now.

     

    He delivered the messages one by one. One was too a man living in a very shabby, run down house with lots of pets around him. Some were to older couples with large families, others to widows, on and on- some looked well enough, others looked hardly matching with the house being given them. He would often get warm smiles of gratitude, some gave a nod as though it was expected, others cried with joy. As he did this, he began to grow bitter in his heart. He was working on and on, getting hardly any pay at all and had worked hard and long for this man- meanwhile, these people were going to be doing nothing at all and yet his own efforts were to build the very houses they would continue doing all of that nothing in! And the fact some seemed to even just expect it made him more upset. One day he went to the old man and asked him how much longer until his ten years were up, and if that was still expected of him- “Five years, and yes, it is signed- we will continue until the end.”

     

    That evening he went to the house he was working on. It was near completion- an elegant house made of brick and oak with large windows and skylights on top. He imagined that yet another old coot with no money was going to be living in this one- six bedrooms to store all his leftover junk and pet fleas in! In anger, he got into a bulldozer nearby, turned it on, and with single-minded determination rammed into the house. Repeatedly, again and again, wham, wham, wham. The bricks cracked, then shattered under the weight of the assault. Crackle, snap went the strong oak walls. Half-installed chandeliers with pure crystals dangling from them shrieked as they shattered upon the marble floors. By the time the contractor finally left the site, his anger was dwindling and the house was a ruined mess. What he had built with his own hands and the funding of the older man over several years was ruined in a single evening of anger. He was unsure what the consequences would be, but he was still angry.

     

    The next day, when he did not show up for work, a man showed up at his door to escort him personally to the site. The contractor was worried when he saw the old man there looking at the ruined house, standing alone outside it by himself. As the contractor walked up, the older man turned around- and the contractor was shocked to see tears streaming down his face. The contractor stood there, stunned, not knowing what to say- he had no idea it would hurt the older man so. “I… I’d had it with making all these homes… for all these people who had no clue what they were worth. I… I just had it…”

     

    The old man fell to his knees, shaking his head. “I had begun to think of you like a son. You worked so hard and well, and when I cleared off your debt I had planned to hire you with top wages after the ten years was finished.” The contractor closed his eyes, beginning to feel the weight of grief as the reality of his mistake sunk in- he wasn’t aware that the man had cared for him this much.

     

    The next words, however, were a blow to be unmatched as yet. The old man gestured at the house, his eyes pained, “That house… I was going to give to… you.”

     

    ——

    I stumbled into the above, looking through my old files.  I wrote this as a stay-home Dad before my son was even one year old, and I did not even remember writing it until I read it- and as I read it, I began to feel this weight of what part of me knew I was about to read.  Even as I finished and I remembered that I had written it- still, it did not ‘feel’ like it had come from me.  As one who believes the Spirit has been left within all believers to continue to work Jesus began, and has experienced the Spirit move in a variety of ways in my life- I can definitely say, looking back at this, this did not come from ‘me’- I take credit for typing the words and thinking the thoughts, but they were not my own and truly were the result of God speaking to me.  I hope it means something to you, in your life or where you are at in your walk, even as it means something to me.  If you have thoughts or insights, please freely share them in the comments.