Coroloro's Xanga

There and Back Again

Sun, 09 Aug 2009 03:19:25 GMT

I have not posted in a quite some time. I am delighted, however, to return after some absence. My hope: to come here much more often, and to again use Xanga as a place to share and commune with like minds, with fellow writers, fellow seekers, and those who share interests, thoughts, or just like friendship. I will seek to simply put what I have to share out there, not expecting or demanding comments and responses to prove that it is worth my time posting it. I used to find that if I did not get enough feedback, enough support to show that writing was worth my time, I would loose the motivation. Now, however, I do not think I will let that dictate my choice to just write.

I have a rich life, a lot going on in it: many things to share, thoughts to write down, events that have happened, stories to tell, and stories to create and tell. I am and always will be, first and foremost, a writer.

What has inspired me to blog again is the recent movie that just came out: Julie and Julia, based on a blog a woman named Julie made, as she attempted to cook her way through Julia Child's early cookbook on French cuisine- doing all two hundred and sixty something recipes in a year. She, too, was a writer- and, much like myself, had trouble finishing things, leaving them half written, and never really being able to pursue publication.

It made me realise something that she did: I do not have to be published to achieve what I want. What I want, most of all, is to share my stories- to have others read them, and enjoy them. I do not need to be published to do that: I can simply share them, here, and if others read and find them fulfilling, enjoyable, worth reading... then it will naturally spread.

Ironically, I also am a cook. I have no formal training, but I taught myself. My guide, my “cooking bible” as it were, also happens to be from the very French cooking school that Julia Child was trained at: Le Cordon Bleu. I now cook for a living, though not in a prestigous role, it is a satifying one. My job, now, is to work at a high-end grocery store originating in Florida, but also here in SC, called “Publix”. I am a meals clerk in their Apron program: I cook recipes designed for customers to take home and cook themselves, a “simple meal”, that is both rich in flavour, variety, creativity, and even gourmet at times- but easy to make, clean up, and relatively simple/quick. I always have something new to cook, and I get to put my talents to the test now and then: and the pressure to cook is not the same as it would be at a restaurant.

Still, I must say, cooking my way through a cookbook like Julia Child's... well, if I could afford to do it at all, that would be something I myself would truly enjoy!

My other passion, of course, besides cooking: fantasy and some science fiction fantasy writing. “Speculative fiction”, as some would call it. I have been re-reading my favourite author and series just recently, in fact: The Wheel of Time series, by Robert Jordan (recently deceased, I must sadly say). If you enjoy good reading, whatever genre, then I encourage you to try the first book of his magnum opas … “The Eye of the World”, book 1 of the Wheel of Time. It is worth your time: I promise.

Until next my friends,

Patrick

A new normal

Mon, 13 Apr 2009 04:20:23 GMT

We just walked in the door to our home half an hour ago, after a slightly long, monotonous two hundred mile plus drive from North Carolina to our home here in South Carolina. My Wife began bringing things in while I replugged my computer and electronic equipment (ie- cable, internet, router, Vonage phone system, etc) and got everything running. I just finished the final touch when she said “Have you ever felt almost physically pained doing something?” I responded somewhat defensively, as normally saying anything like that would imply that she was burdened by cleaning out the car by herself- while meanwhile, I was doing the very thing she asked me to do when we entered the door (which was “Can you get the internet working?”). She started to tear up, and I realised my error about the same time she closed off- but I managed to restart the conversation. It was then she mentioned the pain of bringing in a box of books... of her Dads, and other things we brought back with us.

I went out and found the box of fantasy books I had taken that were his. That was the one hobby, the one interest, he and I shared – and the one thing that allowed me to understand him more and feel something of a bond with him. Many of the books that first started my journey into fantasy and science fiction, were books he had on his shelves. When we were there, Kat's stepmother Janell pointed out his shelf of books (I think he had already sent some on in the past with Kat, after he had gotten sick, so these were “his favourites” and his best). It was a little painful for me, too, accepting back from her my own books. That is, my favourite series of them all- my favourite author- is Robert Jordan, and his Wheel of Time series. Ironically enough, just last Fall, Robert Jordan himself died. Yet another great man, lost to a long-term illness. He, oddly enough, also had a collection of staffs and favourite hats, as well as some weaponry... just like Butch. But I disgress.

Katrina felt he would like the Wheel of Time, when I let her borrow my books. So, rather than returning them, she gave my whole Wheel of Time paperback series to her Dad. Instead of giving me my old books back, she bought brand new paperbacks for me. Well, I did not complain too much about that, in the end. Of course, once married and living together, she read and re-read my WoT books so much that they are now falling apart and ragged anyway. So... to receive back my own books, I began to realise that I would much rather not get them back. I would rather he were here, to keep them. I also looked over the shelf, realising if I did not take things there now, she could end up giving them away to someone who would not appreciate them, or to a book store, or just selling them. So I found several authors I knew were of high quality but had never read, and being on this shelf were clearly among his favourite few. It was a little like he was recommending them, and so I took him up upon it.

In a similar vein, Katrina and I received back two walking staffs we had given him. One was her gift: a walking stick from Ireland, when she spent a semester in Northern Ireland. The other was our gift: from our honeymoon in Walt Disney World, and our visit to the Wild Kingdom or such. While in a shop in the 'African village'- a direct and exact replica of a real one that exists in Africa even now- we bought an ebony wood staff, elegantly carved from some of the hardest wood in the world with a uniquely round handle supported on the back of an elephant, which was on top of two carved goats. It is done in such a way that were the wood anything less: like, say, pine or even oak, the handle would likely break off. But it is firm and solid, and enough to hold a man's full weight, with ebony wood.

We received these back. And then... Kat brought back two hats, one in particular that I remember her father wearing often on travelling. An almost indiana-jones looking hat with bird feathers all around the inside circle. I walked inside with the hat, and one of his blankets... and I almost regretted it, for when she lookd over and saw the two items... she let out a soft squeel of a sob, and began to cry. Katrina- my Wife, who rarely cries openly. Who even now, says “I'm fine” and throughout much of her trip managed of thin but firm facade of stability... crying like this. It is a real grief I knew was there, but for her to let it out in this way- it shows it is so strong even she cannot suppress it, and that is a powerful and even frightening thing indeed. I hope that she lets it out, and does not hold it back so much. Holding herself to a high standard that somehow it is weak for her to grieve as she is. That she should expect to go back to the “old normal” at all is a fallacy: a “new normal” may develop, but even then it may take a year or more. And the “new normal” exists with the healed, but present, scars of his death and absence.

I appreciate your prayers for us, my friends, brothers, and sisters in Christ.

-Patrick

Memorial Service

Sat, 11 Apr 2009 22:48:42 GMT

We just had the Memorial (funeral) service for Kat's father, Butch, this afternoon: the day before Easter. I want to thank you for your concern, and prayers: especially those of you who responded, and especially those who asked how they could be involved, help, or just offered friendship. Folks like my dear old friend and longtime roomy Kent- you guys mean a lot to me, and it's nice to know you are still around. I really need some friends right now, just with all that is going on- and this is just "icing on the cake" so to speak. It is difficult for me to think of Butch as being gone. I know this may sound trite, but it is easy to imagine I will turn a corner in the house and see him there... or see him out in the barn, in his workshop, making mead, crafting something, or building more of his trainset. He was well, hardy, and energetic with youth for so long- his sickness so relatively brief and yet devestating- it is sometimes hard to realise it has really happened. My Wife cared so very deeply for her father. Oddly enough, this circumstance has bonded me with her Mom in a way nothing else could have- being able to keep her involved, updated, and even support her. I know she feels helpless- being divoriced from their Dad, she cannot really be here. And in some ways, she cannot get her own closure, either.

Appreciating your prayers, and your support- and, most of all, any friendship:
Patrick

Death

Tue, 07 Apr 2009 03:00:04 GMT

My father by marriage just died. We heard 30 min ago. I am watching our son and giving Kat time.

-Pat

Impending Death?

Wed, 25 Mar 2009 16:45:06 GMT

My Father by marriage has been facing terminal stomach, bowel, etc for about a year now. He's taken a turn for the worst, and his lungs are filling with fluid. We're going to Raleigh, NC on sudden notice- just having found this out in the last hour. I've called out from work, and such- the doctors said that if his children wanted to say 'goodbye', then they should come immediately.

Please pray for my Wife, especially, and also for her family, and her Sister- and for me, that I can be strong for her right now. She trying to distance, and to do so, is trying to make me angry with her, to want to pull away, etc- so I am doing my best to be strong, to love her, and stay close.

-Patrick

Listen to Me

Mon, 13 Oct 2008 12:30:59 GMT

Listen to me, I have much

To say

Why would they listen

When there is so much

To listen to?

There are so many people

Who wish to speak

There are so many different

Things to be said

Things to be heard

Things that need to

Be heard, and

There is a difference

In the two.

What I listen to with

My Ears

Is reviewed by

My Mind

What goes into

My Mind

Influences

My Heart

What influences

My Heart

Will be the deciding factor in

My Actions

The first thing I do in response

To someone who irritates me.

The first thing I say when

I am asked to share something

Best not said.

The first one I give credit when

Asked how I have succeeded.

The first words I say to my Wife

When I come home.

To my son

When he makes a horrible mess.

To my Mother

When she calls at a bad time.

The first reason I give a customer

When they ask why I am so cheerful.

What do we listen to?

What should we listen to?

What do we watch?

What should we watch?

What do we treasure?

What should we treasure?

There is the good

There is the evil

And there is the neutral.

Yes

I know that good in brings good out.

Evil in brings evil out.

What about

The neutral?

What does that do?

Television shows, music, movies, paper, books, news

Not always good, not always bad.

I define it.

I decide it.

More neutral in than good

Ferments.

It becomes in its nature evil.

For I should think,

Should dwell,

on what is good

On what is holy

On what is just

On what is right

On what is true

These things influence my actions

My actions define my character

My character defines my life.

Who are you?

A PubliX post

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 12:07:13 GMT

Things are going very well so far at Publix. It is very exhausting being on my feet full time, and I take Tylenol regularly to help while working. However, I found out on my third day working there that I was apparently 'hired' as full time from the day I started! Full time positions are not given to normal cashiers or basic employees- the lowest level full time position in customer service is customer service team leader, a relatively recent position created as a bridge between normal part time work and management work (the next step is an assistant management position, which I believe requires you having worked there full time for something like twelve months). I am not technically acting as a team leader yet- I just got here, so it would not make sense for me to lead people in something I am still learning myself- however, apparently the manager wants the 'timer' started so that he has the ability to make me manager sooner.

Also, those who read my previous posts know how much we need insurance! I made it clear that full time, and thus insurance, was a big indicator of where I would be comfortable staying long-term. The manager took me up on it, and has thus earned my commitment. Apparently the managers liked what they saw when I started working on the floor!

Cooking Opportunity

One area of customer service is the food demonstration unit near the entrance area to the store. Ideally, every day someone is there at peak times to prepare a weekly recipe set (usually two sides and a main course) with a recipe card (very nice and convenient with a divded shopping list on one side set up into meats, dairy, etc for the full three recipes) for customers to watch the prep and then make themselves. The district head of that area cooks at our store and when he heard my interest, really wanted me to join in. He needs someone to cover for him there twice a week, and with my existing experience in cooking, obvious skill and enjoyment in working with people at the counters already, and passion for the idea of the job- he felt I would do well, and would train me up personally.

I have realised as I have thought about it more and more how right that would be for me. The idea was so exciting- I found myself even more excited about the idea of doing that than the idea of cooking a 'fun gourmet meal' for my family. Perhaps partly because I would not have to worry about paying for it, and I would get to practice it over and over again- thus honing my cooking skills and really perfecting areas I feel weak on. When you find yourself thinking "I can't believe they'd actually pay me for this- I feel like I should be paying THEM!" you know that you have found a winner in a job. It'd also give me professional cooking experience for my resume, if I ever wanted to do more advanced food prep in the future.

Choose- but choose wisely

Of course, eventually I see a choice coming up. The fellow who will be training me made that choice himself- he was preparing on a track for management when he started doing that job as part of it. He had previous management experience, as well as cooking experience, and he ended up loving that job so much when they offered him an assistant management position- he passed it up to stay there. Within two years of starting at Publix, he was offered a position as district director of the demonstration program. It is not as lucrative as management- but it is probably not as stressful either, and it is a totally different job.

So the choice will likely come to me, if I start doing this as I hope- do I take the opportunity to pursue management, or do I stay on with food prep? When assistant department managers get an average of 40k a year, and the wages just keep going up from there (store managers get an average of 104k a year, to give you a 'ceiling' idea)... it really is an issue of choosing potential earnings vs personal fulfillment. Not to mention getting great resume additions for future jobs if needed.

I appreciate all of your prayers- without which I surely would not have had such success so far. While my income is still low right now, having a full time position and insurance coming in three months is vital to lowering overhead costs- and my parents can focus their help on keeping us afloat until the income raises, rather than investing it all into just keeping us up with insurance.

-Patrick

Let's Make a Professional Movie!

Mon, 28 Jul 2008 12:52:51 GMT

Hollywood Movies - in touch, out of touch, or just waaaay out there?

I think one thing that has hit me a lot lately is how so many movies come out with budgets of millions upon millions of dollars- movies after movie after movie- and even after just seeing the preview, much less the entire movie, I find myself thinking "You know, they could grab someone off the street at random, sit them down to watch the preview, and have them tell them how much the movie looks like it will suck... yet somehow, it has managed to make it to the screen and taken millions of dollars with it? HOW?!"

Even the 'big ones' still have ended up being pretty pathetically average- only a few tread new territory and try new things, or go into popular genres that just have less general acceptability (like Fantasy! Try more FANTASY folks- Lord of the Rings made it for a reason. But now you have all these Harry Potter clones and such that just mimic one original success...). And when they go into those genres- they have such a generic, BLAND feel that you have to cry out: "WHY? Can't you put just a few REAL fantasy literature fans on your team? If you had, this movie wouldn't suck so bad... and if you did, and it still sucks like this, obviously they did not have enough input!"

What do you think? Have you felt that way about movies in general? The market reflects it- theatre movie sales are going down, and down... prices for tickets go up and up... and DVD rentals go up with them. Only the really big ones really get much of an audience now. Even then- I find myself, three out of four times, not finding myself nearly as satisfied as I used to be by the movies I do see.

Hope for Movie Future- WE create the movies!

Yes, you heard me right! The internet trend of involving people in the input process- blogs of average people being a source for news, people buying games that allow you to build your own creations with them- even projects where a community of gamers help give input in deciding the type and production of the game... well, it has finally made music to some investors ears. Why do I say this? Because investors have FULLY funded a new, never-done-before project... where a group of everday movie lovers like myself will be a part of a community that helps to produce a movie. From start to finish. EVERY aspect.

Producer!

Every major decision will get input. Starting with choosing the script (that means both deciding what the movie will be about, the genre, etc... and what script will be used). Yep! We'll get to go through and choose a script and I imagine it will be a kind of 'majority rules' factor. Then casting- we'll get to look at audition footage and participate in the decision of who will be cast for which part based on the auditions. We'll get access to 'dailies' (movie term for “raw footage”- the footage that comes out each day from the previous days film footage and sound that usually only the director and a few associates have access to at the time), and important key choices the director has to make in the process of filming. We’ll also have opportunities to be extras in the film, and even knowledge of auditions for parts as major roles if we are able/willing to try out (it is a professional Hollywood film… so, it isn’t like they won’t expect you to be REALLY good… you just get ‘the chance’). As the process continues, we’ll be able to take part in the editing process and make decisions throughout it. The same with the sound effects AND the musical soundtrack; in choosing a title, and in marketing as well!

Of course, the impression I get is it is set up so that you can decide what parts you can/want to help with- all of them if you desire, or just the ones you want. I have seen those behind-the-scenes extras on DVDs of movies I like (especially Lord of the Rings) SO often… and just plain yearned to be able to be a part of it. So this is so exciting!

A little money in it too...

Yes, you heard me right. I just found out about, lucky me, and am part of said group. I can't disclose the details yet because- well, quite honestly, the larger the group is the less input I'll have (yes, I know, I'm selfish :P ) so I am only sharing the details with close friends/family until after July 31st when stage 1 acceptance ends... then maybe I'll share the scoop in more detail.

Do not fret- there is another lump (totaling to 55% of the profits!) that will go to those involved in the creation process in this way, and that includes a lump for those active ‘stage 2’ people (folks who join after the end of July). That would be you, if you were so inclined. :) Stay tuned and I will put up a link for the location as soon as August starts.

I’m not really in it for the profits as I may have stated- though it definitely won’t hurt us. In the situation we are in now- we’re pretty desperate, so something that is both a hobby AND helps us a little with our horrible financial situation would be great. I suppose it is a case of duty towards my family here: if I’m going to invest my time in something fun, that I will adore, I owe it to them to provide for them out of it. Otherwise I simply could not justify investing much time in something like this however much I desperately wanted to. This way I can do it AND support my family at the same time. Even if 10,000 people join up AND remain active from the stage 1 investor group and… if the movie makes, say, $100,000,000 (one hundred million) in gross sales through theatres, DVDs, etc… then that would mean I would make $3,000. NOT including extra for each specific project I am in (stage 1 can also qualify for stage 2 profits, etc). So it is a case of “If you guys really can make this movie better than it would be without your help, you’ll reap the rewards. And the more ways you help, the more you get.”

So… let’s make some movie magic!

Hotdog Dream

Sat, 19 Jul 2008 13:07:45 GMT

So last night apparently I dreamed that I was going through my freezer and found a HUGE package of frozen hotdogs I had completely forgotten were there- but they had been opened, and after all the time in the freezer, they had gotten freezer burn and I had to throw them ALL out. I was so upset at the waste.

Two days ago I went to a family friend's pool to swim- they live six minutes away from us, WC Hoeke's family- he is the son of my mother's neighbour and dear friend, Anna. She and her husband survived the holocaust (sp?) believe it or not, and they're- obviously- from Germany, although they are Christians... not Jewish. Yep, the Christians were persecuted some at that time as well. They are very caring, and yet also very careful to appreciate and conserve resources- Anna hates it when she sees parents give their child a whole apple, the child eats around the outside and then throughs the core out along with all the rest they did not eat. It is her opinion on this that has caused me to often cut the 'sides' off the apple, close to the core, so that my son eats it all. Of course, not much issue there- when I give him the whole apple, he will often eat it ALL... core INCLUDED (no, despite the urban legend, there is NOT enough toxin in the apple seeds to hurt anyone).

So I swam there, and Anna happened to be there helping with house chores- and she let me have leftover hot dogs from lunch, as well as fresh squeezed lemonade and some home grown, vine ripened tomatoes that were delicious. I was thinking "Well, hotdogs are simple and not super healthy, but they don't taste bad when you're hungry- no wonder so many parents always stuff their kids with them. Cheap and easy. I don't really have any at my house, though." I guess that, and the combination of me trying hard to use the resources we have and not waste anything in this time of financial stress might have contributed to the dream.

Garden Fertilizing

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 11:29:24 GMT

Well I am sure you have all heard of things like animal poo being used to fertilise gardens. I found out something interesting this last weekend, however, while reading wikipedia. Under "urine", you can find out in its history that it has been used as a fertiliser as well! I always thought that urine would be too acidic or useless- seeing as it is sterile and tends to contain waste minerals and such. But not true!

Due to urine's high nitrogen content (nitrogen being a primary component of fertilisers), 'pee' has been used for centuries as a fertiliser. It is apparently just a less 'socially acceptable' one. Farmers would store it up and use it. Pee, as you all know, does not really smell that bad initially (especially when compared with its 'sibling'). The reason it begins to smell rather raunchy is because the urea breaks down and the smell forms. Its the truth- anything that is good for fertilising tends to also smell at some point.

So, all you wives out there with lazy husbands who want cheap fertiliser for your garden- sit an empty wide-mouth gatoraid gallon jug next to your favourite couch potatoe and tell him "Hey, I have a great way for you to pee sitting down and save us some money on the miracle grow I usually buy..." :P Sorry girls... this handy method of fertilisation would be a bit more complicated for you unless you feel like going outside to use the restroom... Of course, you could also use this as a convenient excuse to send the men of the household outside to the garden to water the plants for you and avoid the unsightly splash marks that form on the bathroom wall/toilet from the drying process. Haha!

Just another way to help with crazy money-saving tips in a time where groceries are expensive and commercial growing products- often not worth the price in comparison to less commonly known, less pricey alternatives- are just way too expensive. Remember, however, when your neighbours and friends ask what the secret is to your super-large tomatoes and healthy herbs... just tell them that the trick is "love". :P

-Patrick