January 21, 2007

• Memory Post- Conor’s Birth

  The last major part of the story of Conor’s birth, from a year ago. Enjoy!

  Warning Note- As the first
  comment on this post points out, I wanted to warn readers that this
  particular entry contains some very clear descriptions of the final
  birth experience. This means that anyone who might be offended or
  bothered by references to the female body during a birthing experience-
  or by medical references to the vaginal tearing that can happen during
  such an experience- might wish to be careful deciding if they should
  read this post, or perhaps skip it entirely. Since the person who
  brought this to my attention is married themselves, obviously some
  folks just might be overwhelmed by a clear description of a difficult
  birth. I’d enjoy you reading and sharing in this with me, but if it
  might bother you, then use your descretion. I shall make similar
  warnings in future posts that have similar material- though I think
  this is the main one.
  

  Round 2: KNOCKOUT!

  Linda had a VERY different attitude. She,
  like Terri was honest and forward with her feelings. She had been told Katrina
  was station –2 (that is, the baby’s head was two inches or so below a certain
  line- I forget the more technical description, sorry, but those who need to
  know anyway will know what I mean) when in fact he was station +2! A LOT
  further along, and better odds too. She checked her vaginal opening and
  immediately said this was VERY good, and she felt Katrina could do this if she
  tried. She made clear that they WOULD try. Katrina asked, “How much longer,
  though? How many more pushes?” and such, but Linda said gently but very
  clearly, “That’s not how I work. I can’t tell you how many more pushes or how
  much longer, I can only tell you how far you are. You’ll decide how long it
  takes. It could be short if you give me really good pushes, or it could take
  longer if you can’t.”

   

  Katrina was determined! Later, I found out
  that, unlike what my Mom thought- that Katrina was GOING to get this baby out
  and felt a new determination- it was a little ironically different. Katrina
  realised that no matter what they were going to make her try, but after that
  rest- and as round two began- she felt she was at her limit, even beyond it.
  She had been told it was only a 50/50 chance, so she was convinced that she had
  passed her limit. I think the problem in this is that people needed to
  ENCOURAGE her- and I said, and was confirmed by Mom and the nurse, that most
  women think they reach their limit when giving birth and find out that they can
  go far beyond what they think they can. Apparently this was a good thing to
  say, because the others took this line up and agreed. Linda was a blessing,
  because she came in and rather than giving Kat facts or doubts, she focused on
  her progress and that she COULD do it. She assured Kat, just as I was hoping
  everyone ELSE would have done, that she could do it and if there WAS any
  problem she would make sure Kat knew and they would do a c-section if needed.
  But she felt she could do it. That is what I wanted her, and everyone, to know
  and do- trust the midwife. SHE knew her stuff, and rather than giving up before
  the midwife said “this is it”, they should try until the midwife felt there was
  a problem. After all, THEY are the ones who have done hundreds of births!

   

  Well, Kat felt that if she tried hard
  enough she would PROVE to us all that she couldn’t do it. So, that is why she
  actually was trying so hard. Terri felt the head was caught on the pubic bone-
  which curved down, unlike many women- but Linda had Kat push first on one side,
  then another. This “wiggled” the baby, causing the head to slowly slip past.
  There was a worry his shoulders would catch once his head got past, but for now
  things moved- two steps forward, one step back. Further on, Linda told Kat when
  Kat asked how long, “Well, just earlier you gave a SUPER push- I’m not sure
  what you did differently, but if you do it again, this baby will come out very
  soon! You’ll know it is almost here when I take my coat off and pull up the
  table.”

   

  Well, Kat just looked up and said
  “Alright.” Colleen, in the first round, had said to Kat in her own way of
  encouragement, “You’re a machine!!” She just pushed and pushed, and Mom and
  Colleen both- Mom had a fairly easy, quick labour with both of us without a
  need for pain medication or anything- that they couldn’t imagine doing what Kat
  did, especially without complaining. Up until the end she kept at it, even
  being as gentle as she could with me, and joking. She said “Now I know why they
  made forceps!”

   

  Pull it out

  Kat, as the baby’s head was closer to
  crowning (that is, the head spread the vaginal lips and is protruding through),
  asked Linda if she could just get forceps and pull it out! Linda responded,
  “No, you’re going to have to push it out. If there is a problem we can use
  them, but in all my years as a midwife I have never ONCE had to use forceps.”
  This woman KNEW what she was doing- I knew, even before this, that God had put
  us here and my fervent prayers that Kat would NOT have to have an unnecessary
  c-section were heard! This WOULD happen. My confidence was restored, and Linda
  was the one who did it, and would do it.

   

  My Reactions

  Of course, there were things happening that
  I had a general idea would happen, but had never experienced before. I can
  imagine why some men are overwhelmed at a birth- even many women just aren’t
  properly informed. Kat knew what EVERY medication they offered us did- like
  newbane, and that we DID NOT want newbane at ALL- even more than I did, we’d
  seen many videos of both natural, c-section, and normal hospital births. We’d
  been clearly taught the stages of birth, and the things to expect in birth
  itself. Combine with this the fact that I come from a medical family (thus my
  comfort with clearly describing this) and my natural curiosity for such
  experiences- I was in my element. I didn’t really feel hurt for Katrina-
  rather, a profound admiration for MY Wife, my darling woman God has joined with
  me as one flesh like no other. She was DOING this, she was pushing and she was
  making it. She would do it- I had no doubt at all. I encouraged her, and we
  stroked her legs. By this point her modesty was gone, as was her gown- ripped
  off quickly because it was too hot. She didn’t care anymore. I was so proud of
  her, and I was also fascinated at getting to watch the slow progression of the
  child coming. I say “the child”, and not just “my son”, to distinguish- the
  fact it was MY son had not fully set in, and did not set in in a sense of
  ‘ownership’… that this really is MY son in a unique way (even after he came out
  I felt a little more like a trusted uncle, allowed to see the birth, than…
  well, that special “Dad” feeling that Jay (older half bro) and Dan (close
  friends with two girls) told me I would feel. I didn’t begin to feel that until
  I had our first quiet one on one time- holding Conor while he slept later that
  day, while Kat slept nearby, alone in the room). Rather, I say “the child”
  because it was the entirety of the experience that fascinated me- so much so
  that when it was over I wished I could see another birth. Even now, I regret
  that men can’t be midwifes and that there is no practical chance for me to be
  an OBGYN now… I wish I could actually help do that again and again. And not
  just because it was my wife, my child… but because the experience was so
  incredible. Medicine and health truly do run in my genes.

   

  A lot of men get bothered by blood or
  seeing their wives in such a situation. I winced a little at the fact I knew
  the blood coming out was from tearing, but I had also been told tearing was
  normal- as was blood, and perhaps some was coming from the uterus as well. I’d
  never seen a birth before, so I did not know that she was bleeding longer, and
  heavier, than was healthy by the end of it. My Mom, being a nurse, did realise
  this.

   

  Crown!

  The head crowned- it came up and close, and
  immediately the jacket came off and table came up. I excitedly told Kat, after
  many long encouragements before, “This is IT! She’s taking her jacket off,
  you’re doing it Katrina! This is almost done! The baby is HERE! It’s just about
  over!” I’d given her a constant narrative- telling her how close his head was,
  how her lips were staying open because of his head being closer, all because I
  knew she needed to know details and have proof she WAS getting closer. Just
  hearing “it’s closer than before” fifty times over isn’t enough, I felt, and I
  think it was right.

   

  Linda expressed she was prepared to do an
  episiotomy- I know I felt a tear would be better, because it tears along the
  weaknesses in the muscle instead of just straight through it, however I was
  going to trust to her experience at this point. Another push came on as she was
  preparing- she probably felt she had some time, that Kat wouldn’t be able to
  get it through quickly. More head came, then more, then his eyes… and suddenly
  POP! You could audibly hear the pop sound, and in three seconds… nose, mouth,
  shoulders… back, butt, feet, splush. He was out. As my Mom observed, Linda
  blinked and had to quickly reach out to catch the head- she had no idea it
  would happen that quickly. The combined release of pressure because of the tear
  (the pop sound was perhaps partially the effect of Kat’s internal muscles
  tearing more) and the force Kat was pushing with shot Conor out. Suddenly he
  was laying there, grey skinned and with a slightly bent head. Yet not nearly as
  drastic as I had seen/heard before, and his eyes… his eyes were wide, bright,
  and beautiful, the most normal and yet abnormal thing about him were his
  incredible eyes.
  

  
  

  

  To be continued with Part 4… and moooore new cutey pictures!

  • 9:07 pm
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