I'm not sure I shared this properly earlier... but I am coming out to break the silence.

Yes. I will break the secrecy that generations of parents have held, in dark desperate plans to deceive their own children.

You, precious few non-parents who read this, you will be among the first to be forewarned.

When Conor first popped out, I was prepared for many things. Especially
poop. I knew it would be a variety of things- squishy, smelly,
multi-hued, etc. Upon the first changing of the diaper, however, I
realised that there was one thing I did not expect. This happens to
almost ALL babies, yet I had never been told- never warned- the veil of
secrecy held against me. So listen well. When babies are in the uterus,
their intestines fill with a mixture of anmiotic fluid and even some
blood (no technical details here, I'm just repeating the short
explanation my Dad gave at the hospital when it happened- luckily, my
Dad was able to recall this much from his medical training). Once they
come out of the womb and begin nursing, of course their body begins to
digest their new food and make room for "normal poop". Meanwhile, the
not-quite-so-normal poop must be expelled. The result? Tar.

No, not real tar, but it looks just like it- has the same texture- and
sticks just like it too. When I first saw his dirty diaper full of
black sticky pooey stuff, I blinked and laughed, saying "Yikes, I could
pave a ROAD with this stuff!" It wasn't poop- it was mega-newborn-poo!
It didn't smell, at least. In fact, it exuded no really strong odour at
all. Of course, now that our baby is defecating normally, I can attest
to the fact that babies who feed on breastmilk do indeed have sweeter
smelling breath and poop- yes, even poop. This is a fact, one we were
told in our Bradley class and one that holds true from our experience
now. Of course, if you feed your baby a mixture of breastmilk and
supplements that will change the odour as well. We only feed Conor
breastmilk- NOTHING else- so the result is rather pleasant. I also, and
I know some might think me crazy, actually enjoy changing his diaper.
Of course, that is partially because he hasn't peed me in the face or
shot his poop at me yet like he did Katrina.

Then again, I'm bloody well smart enough keep him parallel to me and
pointed AWAY- with something under him at all times. That little extra
bit of time pays dividends.

So, now you all know the truth. Newborns poop out baby-tar. After one
to two days, the poop turns normal- and one should never have to see
that kind of poop again. There is an exception- and if you DO see it
again, one should immediately bring the baby into the doctor and/or
hospital, because it is a sign of internal bleeding. The reason the
poop is tar-like is related to the blood and clotting tendencies of it,
so thus this is why the first occasion is not bad but the second
occasion (if it ever happens) IS bad.

I'll carefully add that this is all information gleaned directly from
my Dad and second-hand. My Dad is a medical doctor, but it's been many
years since he worked with children- after he went into psychiatry he
ceased working with birthing to my knowledge. Feel free to research
this further on your own to sate any lingering curiosity if you have
it. There are lots of fascinating things to learn about the birth
experience. Ladies who read this that are not yet mothers- make sure
you take the time to study the birth process. The Bradley Method
is a great way to do this- even if you do not end up doing natural
childbirth. Either way, I believe it is a serious mistake to rely
solely on the information even the hospital gives you while going into
birth. We had SO many blessings because we knew what our options were
and understood all the potentials. When they reccomended newbane, or an
epidural, we knew exactly what those did. When sydotec (sp) and pit.
were reccomended we knew what those medications did, and their side
effects. Whatever your desire, you should know what they are doing to
you- and the potential long-terms consequences even if it might annoy
the doctor/nurse/midwife if you disagree. Why? Because it is not they who will be having to raise that baby the rest of their lives- your body, your baby. Keep informed.

A Thankyou

I personally have to thank EFairy
for so much. I never would have found the Bradley method without her.
Katrina was so confident and prepared for our birth expeirence, and it
was all thanks to our experiences with our Bradley class. Also, our
instructor, Janalee, has become a dear friend and support to Katrina-
we've even had the blessing of encouraging and helping her, too.
Janalee turns out to have gone, with her husband, to graduate school at
my university (CIU) and they are preparing to go to the Russia area (I
confuse the names so I won't bother... but, western Asia at least I
think... you get the point) as missionaries as soon as they can.
Anyway, none of this would have happened if I had not followed EFairy's
birth story experiences- learned from her own thoughts and
recomendations of considering the Bradley method and its merrits. I
went not because I felt natural childbirth was "the key", but because
of her descriptions of the home birth experience, and most importantly
HUSBAND coached childbirth. I wanted to be a part of my baby's birth
and a support to my wife- not just a bystander who got to cut the cord.
Heck, WHY would I want to cut a cord? I'd rather be doing what I did-
holding my wife's leg up, or (would have done this if there was no
epidural) seated behind her and holding her while she pushed.

I only hope that through my positive experiences with Bradley- even
though our birth was not even fully natural- and the VERY important
aspect of understanding our birth fully, at least one young lady or man
who reads this will consider it just as I did after reading EFairy.

-Patrick

New Living

(content note- somewhat mature topical discussions.)

I feel like before now I never really was alive...

Katrina
shared this a short time ago while holding Conor, filling my heart with
how complete and new having our baby in her life made her feel. It is a
good thing she is quick to verbally confirm me, else I could be
jealous! Actually, I am definitely not,
for rather than detract from her feelings for me it is mearly an
addition to them. Also, part of what makes Conor special is that he is
a combination of the two of us as while as seperate- that, and he is
the product of a very special, very incredible time of intimacy. I can
honestly say that the specific time that resulted in Conor was, without
a doubt, perhaps the most pleasurable encounter up until that point- a
reunion of each other after a period of a week or two of abstinence due
to my hernia surgery. Needless to say- my hernia was somewhat strained
afterwards, nor did I care.

Our SC Mom informed me that Kat had been worried about being a good
mother prior to the birth- a constant worry about her maternal
instincts. Yet, as Colleen noted immediately after the birth, it was
clear her maternal side was very present right off. That has only
increased since. Katrina is an incredible Mother! According to our
doctor visit with our favourite pediatrician (we've seen several, and
Dr. Kreugar- she is definitely our favourite. And not just because of
her good compliments)... he is an incredible baby, not just because he
is cute either!

How a baby grows

Truly it was encouraging last visit to firstly, find out that Conor has
improved to the point that his jaundice is barely there at all. Just a
little more light sun- perhaps fifteen minutes here and there in the
car with his clothes off and the heat up- and he should be fine.

Secondly, our baby who was seven pounds and twelve ounces at birth is
now over ten pounds after two and a half weeks of growth! I must also
note that he was born one and a half weeks early! We have a swiftly
growing boy! Not only is he a beatiful baby, but the pediatrician said
she was amazed at his coordination.

"He is acting like a boy of two months, not two weeks!" said Dr.
Kreugar. While an encouraging and, I believe, truly honest compliment-
she does not seem the sort that would deceive just to make a parent
happy- I am partially unsuprised. Katrina is brilliant- absolutely
brilliant in a way too few appreciate! I also believe my parents passed
on good genes to me, so combined I hope the best for Conor. I also hope
he gets his physical traits from his Mother's side, for I got my
Mother's physical traits and I am regretting it already. I already have
the aches and pains of a fifty year old due to undiagnosed marphans
(sp). It will remain that way, since as long as I have a voluntary
heart check on a regular basis that is the only important thing. We'll
make sure they do the same thing for Conor.

No Whack Whack!!

Conor, unlike the "typical modern male", had no foreskin cut off on his
penis. My parents never did that to me, and for a baby that time of
life is the most SENSITIVE time! Also, I see very little necessary good
for him to do that. Unless, like with me, some web of skin remains that
needs surgery later in life, he should be perfectly fine so long as we
teach him to keep well cleaned when he gets older. Also, it is a fact
that he will retain a size that his future Wife will hopefully one day
appreciate.

-Patrick

Sister and newly Aunted Kayla visits

Not to mention the Father-in-law and Kat's step-mother too!

We'll let the pictures speak for themselves.

Note:
Below is, alongside other pictures, a natural, normal picture
containing an unclothed baby. It's sad I should even have to mentioned
this, BUT, considering the fact that if you try to get such a photo
developed these days they shred it- I thought I would warn the "faint
hearted" who will die upon seeing a naked little baby. You have been
warned- and all that other side stuff about the fact this is to share
the natural adorable beauty of our baby boy with family and friends is
implicit too. *sighs and shakes his head at having to even write this*
So, sorry for that, and enjoy.

Isn't Kat so cuuuute? She put on the baby-hat and has this adorable look of determination on her face.

This is Conor, and I had to share it
because this is one of his more adorable expressions. Not to mention he
is cuuuuuute anyway you put it. Though, for his future wife's sake, I
hope he grows quite a lot between now and then... hee hee.

Oh, and we're already praying for his future wife, too. Kat says she
has been praying for her since before Conor was born. It is something
we plan to do all as he grows up- she may not even be born yet, but
either way, we pray that God will begins preparing her parents for her,
and preparing her and Conor both to be ready for each other.

It's YODA-BABY!

I think Kayla looks really pretty with this look- what a beautiful pairing.


Here is Father harrassing daughter.
They are quite a pair. I think Kat gets her tickling and wrestling
tendencies clearly from her Dad.

-Patrick

Conor Pictures Posted to Date

As of November 25 of the year Two Thousand Five Hundred

The following is in no particular order, just posting as sorted.

Conor soaking in the sun, already on
his way to becoming like his Dad- a quick tanner who looks like a
native in the Summer, so long as he gets in the sun.

Here is Nana (the way we say it on
our Californian Bay Area side of the family is "Nan-ah" not
"Nah-nah"... nan like banANah), holding her grandson a day later.

When he makes a certain face, wanting
to nurse, Kat thinks he looks like Yoda. So she calls him Yoda-baby.
Here he is, immediately after his ogygen mask was taken off right after
birth.

Aunt Callie, the aunt with pizzaz and the one who will try to turn Conor to the dark side before his Jedi training is com-plete.




This is GreenRabbit and SeaRay, our
birth assistants. Due to a potential career in both law enforcement,
and eventually perhaps missions, I have provided them with nifty-cool
codenames instead to protect the innocent. Greeny looks a little tired,
but Searay is a machine! Wooo!




It may look serious, but they have
the oxygen set up all the time, just in the case of a baby not having
the "lusty cry" they desire. Let's see you have your head wedged in a
tight spot with minimum air for hours and hours and not want some
oxygen too! I think he was doing just fine, actually- he was just quiet
and observing, his nature isn't quite as loud.



I think Katrina can safely say that no matter how long or difficult the birth was, it is WORTH no longer having to be like this!

Here's an age-enhanced photo... 
just kidding! Actually, it is interesting, because- while Jay is my
half-brother- still, there is a chunk of my Dad's DNA that went into
both Michael and Conor. Since Conor, at this point, has blond hair, who
knows- maybe there will be some similarities. I do know this- Michael
is almost the same age now as Conor is born, as I was when he was born,
give or take a year. So, my hope is my nephew will be able to be the
guide, friend, and companion to Conor that Michael and his parents have
allowed me to be to him.

-Patrick

New Setup

I knew I might regret my previous attempt to just... communicate, make
myself heard. It turns out just calling and talking works a lot better.
Note to self for future.

I'm going to put up a BUNCH of baby pictures- all the ones I have
previously put up- but without text for now. Basically, all the
pictures, none of the chatter. Kind of like oreos- you know how you all
love the creamy filling. Admit it. But the oreo cookie itself is never
as good. Or even better, those tastey little marshmellows in cereal.
Who WANTS those stupid healthy "charms" in lucky charms- what we really
want are the marshmellows! Well, in the same way, I'm giving you the
"marshmellow" pictures without the words on the side- more of the good
stuff, none of the filler! So, that way, family can keep up with Conor
pictures- the main desire anyway- and I can be a little more at peace
about sharing my mind with friends in a more private forum. This is a
public place- I know that, of course- but in general, I've still always
viewed it as my sanctuary. I don't really care of Joe Blow from Bora
Bora comes on and reads what I say and curses me out or tells me he
thinks I suck. But when family, friends, people I work with or
superiors, get onto my site- bad things happened. My internship in
Taiwan took a BAD turn because my supervisor got my website- for
pictures- and ended up continuing to read it and using it to judge me
with. He never SAID he read it after a certain point, but he still used
it as an unofficial guage and I was too innocent and ignorant to just
STOP blogging about my trip for the time.

So, pictures will be up. Please read, and enjoy. For those who want the
story/journal stuff- which I try to reserve for more private things
anyway- I shall reserve that for protected posts which you can email me
for access to (just click the "email me" button over somewhere on that
xanga bar. You'll find it, I know you can, just be patient. I put my
email up here earlier and I got SUPER spammed).

I referred to "family" in the past post so that I wouldn't single out
any particular individual to avoid offense- that situation was worked
out, if roughly at first, but for now I feel good about it. Something
very important to me- me as well as Kat- is seeing our entire family
(me included) become closer to her family. I think the sincere needs of
her exhuastion, new baby, rest, and everything else forced a distance a
communication gap- necessary to help Kat get the rest she and Conor
needed- that, in combination with other things, just made some of her
family feel wedged away. I feel, now that Kat is recovering and on her
second week, she'll gradually be able to communicate more and we as a
family will be more accessible. I hope that this will do a lot to help
bridge that gap. My goal as the "communicator" of the family was to
help bridge this gap and help communication, not get in-between. I know
tough times are still ahead, but with all of your prayers and the
patience of everyone involved, baby Conor will gradually be introduced
to everyone- eventually, when he is older and we can afford to travel
together we will take him up to meet all the family!

For now, this is Patrick, signing off.

-Patrick

Fixin’s

Note- This is a
birth story. There is little graphic detail from this point on, but
only read if you are comfortable with that and pictures that relate to
said story. This warning means no complaints about the content- since
you shouldn't read further without taking on the responsibility
yourself.

We had specified we wanted his umbilical
cord to stop pulsing before it was cut, and for him to go directly to Mother.
However, this was not to be, and when I asked I think they were slightly
defensive at first- not in a bad way, just feeling that I might be pressuring
them, when I was just desiring to know the details of why, but they were very
nice and explained. The baby didn’t cry much when he came out, and when he did
not a strong “lusty” cry. So they immediately moved him to a heating table and
put oxygen on him to help him get back to normal after a long time being
squished in there. A very long time, for a normal birth, at least. Meanwhile,
Linda began immediately sewing Kat up- a process that took 45-60 minutes. There
was no external tearing, but internally my Mom said she had at least four
layers that had to be sewn. Kat passed out a few times- probably from blood
loss- and didn’t want to hold the baby for the first fifteen minutes… at first,
she couldn’t if she wanted to. I waited with her at first, but when I realised
they wouldn’t bring Conor there right away, I couldn’t hold back- I immediately
went over to him to be near him, to touch him. I put my hand on his warm little
back and his bright reddish skin- getting blood back into the right places
after such a long squeezing out. As soon as they felt him ready, they swaddled
him up and handed him to me. I tried to bring him to Katrina- right away- but
she just wasn’t feeling well enough yet. So I sat in the chair nearby, looking
down at my new baby son, Conor.

As I said earlier, it didn’t feel like he
was… well, mine yet. It was incredible, but perhaps as incredible as if I were
allowed the same experience and honours with someone else’s. I knew he
was mine, but he didn’t feel it yet- not yet. My Mother says that while
I was looking down at him and saying “Hello there, I’m your Daddy…” Colleen-
who apparently has the miraculous ability to actually suck tears back inside
when they come out (not sure how true that actually is, but she’s basically
good at controlling her crying and dislikes strong emotional displays) and
doesn’t say “I love you” on the phone because she doesn’t want it to be a
“light thing”… well, she apparently nudged Mom to have her look (Mom was
focused on Katrina), and had tears in her eyes (this is according to Mom, of course). I… well, I was focused on
examining and experiencing holding a little baby for the first time. I’d never
gotten to do something like that- especially without feeling like someone else,
like a parent, was watching me. Here I was, with full freedom and
responsibility for a little bitty baby, and it was quite an incredible thing.

His saucer eyes would dart around the room,
then back to me, then around the room again. We requested no eye paste be put
in for as long as we could hold off- the legal limit in South Carolina is an
hour, so they waited 59 minutes. This way our baby had a chance to look around
and see his new world, and his parents… and we could see his eyes. I was
amazed, because in the light as best I could tell, he literally had my eyes.
Well, the colouring that is. I’m not sure about the shape. Everyone says “they
have their mother’s eyes”… but all I know is, my eyes are very unique, as are
hers. Mine are hazel- blue on the outside, green on the inside. His were the
same- except perhaps a stronger distinction of blue and green. They could
change, but it is rather incredible to see such striking similarities. He also
has his Mother’s O+ blood type, Sean said he had my ears (and thus he has my
Dad’s ears, since I have my Dad’s flop-out eats too), Katrina’s ‘Anderson’
nose, and my Ross chin. The Ross chin I say, because I have a set-back jaw that
Kat does NOT have… it’s purely me… which I got from Mom’s side, and my Mom has
the same set-back jaw (Colleen might too). The kind of jaw that if you smile
with your teeth together, it is crooked because your bottom jaw meets your top
at an angle. Poor fellow… having that can be annoying at times.

 
(This is the only picture taken of
Kat immediately after the birth using a flash. It's a beautiful picture
because it is a clear imagine of mother and baby- but one must also
realise it highlights the incredible exhaustion of a looong labour and
the sudden lack of blood. I think this is a portrait of honour, showing
Kat after all she went through and yet came out on top!)

Of course, Katrina thought he would have
red hair, I thought he would have her blonde hair. She felt red because it fit
with my Irish side- and she felt it would be impossible that he would have
blonde hair too. However, apparently I was correct! He ended up with her
beautiful, true blonde hair- blonde hair everywhere! Even blonde peach fuzz-
and in that, he takes after his Daddy, because he is fuzzy as a ripe peach.
Hair, hair, hair everywhere- but cute, downy soft hair and the softest skin
I’ve ever felt. I’ve thought babies had soft enough skin, but as a newborn his
skin was so incredibly soft… nothing compares. His head felt like a horses
nose, but softer.

Aftermath

Sean and Gina came in, and my Mom and
Sister left- they were exhausted and needed sleep. I feel badly, but I was
exhausted and I also felt like I just needed an intimate time with Kat and
Conor. Part of it was I wanted to warm him up skin-to-skin, and I felt
embarrassed doing that- such a private thing- with them there, so they ended up
leaving at my rather blunt request. They did SO much for us, and sacrificed so much of their time and
sleep, I hope they know how much they meant to us!

Katrina was brought back to her room, but
since Conor HAD to go to the nursery- we’d wanted to avoid that- I went with
him, and made clear that unless it was absolutely urgent, an emergency situation,
we wanted him washed IN our room with us. They tried to convince me otherwise,
but realising I wouldn’t budge without a medical reason, they let it go and
proceeded to violate Conor in more ways than I thought possible. The only thing
they left out was his penis, and that would have happened the next day- if we
hadn’t requested that he not be circumcised. He was born and they put the
hand-pump thing up his nostrils, in his mouth, to clear the way. That night
they put a tube in his stomach to clear out excess fluids from the womb. Then
they pricked his heels, his palm, tried to stick his wrist and missed the
veins- tried the other, then his elbows. I sighed when they were done, saying,
“Wow, I’m glad that is finally done, the poor guy.”

They agreed, “Yes, we don’t like doing that
really. Now we just have to take his temperature.” WAAAAAH! He whined again,
and I winced- because of course, the thermometer went straight up his…

Poor little fellow, tortured so in his
first few hours of life.

No wonder babies cry and have such an
attitude at first. I would’ve bit their hand personally in his place, if I’d
had the teeth to do it with. “You keep that needle OUT of my arm and that dang
stick OUT of my tush!”  CHOMP

As it was, I really did not like the fact
they kept DOING things with him. Just stop already and let US have him some…
after all, he IS ours baby isn’t he? I didn’t see you grunting to push him out,
or… well, doing the things I did… DID I?

 
Conor being held by the brand new Aunt, Colleen- who held Katrina's legs along with me while Katrina gave birth.

Energy Drink?

Of course, things got quickly better. They
gave me his basinet “wagon” and I pushed it back to our new room where we would
stay the rest of the time. Lexington Medical Centre is posh- let me tell you.
It felt like a private hospital. The labour and delivery room we had was a
nice, comfortable, big room with a 1/1 nurse/patient ratio- and the room we
moved to afterwards was even bigger, with a couch, lots of space for visitors,
and a nice personal bathroom. Like a hotel… but with IV’s filled with blood.
Eheheh.

 
While she will NEVER let someone call
her a "step-grandmother" without correcting them- this is Mom holding
her first biological grandchild ever! She wiped Katrina's forehead, put
ice-gloves on her to cool her down, and gave her ice chips and water to
drink while she went through the final stage of labour and delivery.
Kat's real Mom will always
hold a place in her heart that nobody else could ever even begin to
fill. It is also special to me that my Mom and Kat have an incredible
relationship, and that my Mom said after the birth "I couldn't feel
more proud even of Colleen- she could have been my own biological
daughter there giving birth." Yet even while holding her second
grandson, she knew even before his birth that she is ready to let him
go- God has called us to serve him abroad, in the fields of the world
where the harvest is ripe for the word of Jesus Christ, and she knows
that it will not be long before she will let go of him, and us, and let
us follow God's call. That is love- being able to hold close, and also
let go, even when it hurts. Agape- sacrificial love- is me being able
to put the needs of someone I love above my own needs or feelings.

Speaking of, nurses kept commenting on how
pale she looked. The next day, we had our first visit with a midwife since the
birth. It was another new one- one we’d seen once or twice though, of course.
She was great, but she shared that Katrina was on the middle line blood wise.
If she’d crossed it they would say she had to have blood. But since she hadn’t,
she had a choice- if she didn’t get blood, she might have to stay in the
hospital longer than normal. Also, it would take her at least two weeks to
recovery her blood supply- during which time it would be unsafe for her to walk
holding our baby, lest she pass out and injure/smother him. Bad news. Not good.
She would also have a horrible first experience. New babies are hard enough-
but here she would be drained, exhausted, weak, barely able to care for herself
much less a baby.

She felt the blood supply was kept very
secure- my family agreed- and that there was a million to one chance that there
would be any kind of problem with the blood (like HIV). Good odds. She asked
me, and I said it sounded good enough, and that I’d leave it to her choice- and
of course, she agreed. Anything to feel better, and be able to stand up in the
shower. We agreed, signed papers, and she had a blood transfusion. They planned
to give her three packets of blood- she started as a 6.4 or something (I’m not
sure what 6.4 is… maybe 6.4 liters of blood in her body? I don’t know. Don’t
listen to me. Whatever it was, it was 6 something and the goal was for her to
be 9). They ended up giving her a third packet. So my family and her Dad and
step-Mom were around chatting it up while she acted the vampire and had a red
tube going into her. She hated it- it burned, and came out before the third
packet- so they put another one in, which the baby pulled at. Bad. The baby
pulled it out in the night- fortunately it was done by then, no IV in use- and
so the next day, when they suggested she have a fourth dose of blood, she
strongly felt if she was okay she’d rather not. That is putting it mildly. At
that point she was 8.2 out of 9, and the nurse midwife (a nurse practitioner,
actually- which is why they act as the doctor) said she’d sent mothers home
many times with that level, without doing any blood transfusion. The most
important thing was that she felt well, had more energy, could stand, etc.

To be continued- next time, it is the FINAL part of our birth story! After that, comes "after the birth" tales.

-Patrick

Bookworm blast- random game

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in a your Xanga along with these instructions.
5. Don't search around and look for the "coolest" book you can find. Do what's actually next to you.

He turned his gaze from the old man to Miriamele once more.

For my own benefit, post your own "fifth sentence" in a comment on
this blog so I can see what you found. Also, post the book it came from
just for my interest and that of others. I literally picked up the
closest book- it was one of a series my Wife got for me recently that
just happened to be lying on my computer desk after a friend came over
today and cleaned up our apartment for us. It is "To Green Angel Tower-
Part 2" by Tad Williams. Book THree of Memory, Sorrow, and Thorn. I'll
put it on this entry as the book I am reading.

-Patrick

Warning Note- As the first
comment on this post points out, I wanted to warn readers that this
particular entry contains some very clear descriptions of the final
birth experience. This means that anyone who might be offended or
bothered by references to the female body during a birthing experience-
or by medical references to the vaginal tearing that can happen during
such an experience- might wish to be careful deciding if they should
read this post, or perhaps skip it entirely. Since the person who
brought this to my attention is married themselves, obviously some
folks just might be overwhelmed by a clear description of a difficult
birth. I'd enjoy you reading and sharing in this with me, but if it
might bother you, then use your descretion. I shall make similar
warnings in future posts that have similar material- though I think
this is the main one.

Round 2: KNOCKOUT!

Linda had a VERY different attitude. She,
like Terri was honest and forward with her feelings. She had been told Katrina
was station –2 (that is, the baby’s head was two inches or so below a certain
line- I forget the more technical description, sorry, but those who need to
know anyway will know what I mean) when in fact he was station +2! A LOT
further along, and better odds too. She checked her vaginal opening and
immediately said this was VERY good, and she felt Katrina could do this if she
tried. She made clear that they WOULD try. Katrina asked, “How much longer,
though? How many more pushes?” and such, but Linda said gently but very
clearly, “That’s not how I work. I can’t tell you how many more pushes or how
much longer, I can only tell you how far you are. You’ll decide how long it
takes. It could be short if you give me really good pushes, or it could take
longer if you can’t.”

Katrina was determined! Later, I found out
that, unlike what my Mom thought- that Katrina was GOING to get this baby out
and felt a new determination- it was a little ironically different. Katrina
realised that no matter what they were going to make her try, but after that
rest- and as round two began- she felt she was at her limit, even beyond it.
She had been told it was only a 50/50 chance, so she was convinced that she had
passed her limit. I think the problem in this is that people needed to
ENCOURAGE her- and I said, and was confirmed by Mom and the nurse, that most
women think they reach their limit when giving birth and find out that they can
go far beyond what they think they can. Apparently this was a good thing to
say, because the others took this line up and agreed. Linda was a blessing,
because she came in and rather than giving Kat facts or doubts, she focused on
her progress and that she COULD do it. She assured Kat, just as I was hoping
everyone ELSE would have done, that she could do it and if there WAS any
problem she would make sure Kat knew and they would do a c-section if needed.
But she felt she could do it. That is what I wanted her, and everyone, to know
and do- trust the midwife. SHE knew her stuff, and rather than giving up before
the midwife said “this is it”, they should try until the midwife felt there was
a problem. After all, THEY are the ones who have done hundreds of births!

Well, Kat felt that if she tried hard
enough she would PROVE to us all that she couldn’t do it. So, that is why she
actually was trying so hard. Terri felt the head was caught on the pubic bone-
which curved down, unlike many women- but Linda had Kat push first on one side,
then another. This “wiggled” the baby, causing the head to slowly slip past.
There was a worry his shoulders would catch once his head got past, but for now
things moved- two steps forward, one step back. Further on, Linda told Kat when
Kat asked how long, “Well, just earlier you gave a SUPER push- I’m not sure
what you did differently, but if you do it again, this baby will come out very
soon! You’ll know it is almost here when I take my coat off and pull up the
table.”

Well, Kat just looked up and said
“Alright.” Colleen, in the first round, had said to Kat in her own way of
encouragement, “You’re a machine!!” She just pushed and pushed, and Mom and
Colleen both- Mom had a fairly easy, quick labour with both of us without a
need for pain medication or anything- that they couldn’t imagine doing what Kat
did, especially without complaining. Up until the end she kept at it, even
being as gentle as she could with me, and joking. She said “Now I know why they
made forceps!”

Pull it out

Kat, as the baby’s head was closer to
crowning (that is, the head spread the vaginal lips and is protruding through),
asked Linda if she could just get forceps and pull it out! Linda responded,
“No, you’re going to have to push it out. If there is a problem we can use
them, but in all my years as a midwife I have never ONCE had to use forceps.”
This woman KNEW what she was doing- I knew, even before this, that God had put
us here and my fervent prayers that Kat would NOT have to have an unnecessary
c-section were heard! This WOULD happen. My confidence was restored, and Linda
was the one who did it, and would do it.

My Reactions

Of course, there were things happening that
I had a general idea would happen, but had never experienced before. I can
imagine why some men are overwhelmed at a birth- even many women just aren’t
properly informed. Kat knew what EVERY medication they offered us did- like
newbane, and that we DID NOT want newbane at ALL- even more than I did, we’d
seen many videos of both natural, c-section, and normal hospital births. We’d
been clearly taught the stages of birth, and the things to expect in birth
itself. Combine with this the fact that I come from a medical family (thus my
comfort with clearly describing this) and my natural curiosity for such
experiences- I was in my element. I didn’t really feel hurt for Katrina-
rather, a profound admiration for MY Wife, my darling woman God has joined with
me as one flesh like no other. She was DOING this, she was pushing and she was
making it. She would do it- I had no doubt at all. I encouraged her, and we
stroked her legs. By this point her modesty was gone, as was her gown- ripped
off quickly because it was too hot. She didn’t care anymore. I was so proud of
her, and I was also fascinated at getting to watch the slow progression of the
child coming. I say “the child”, and not just “my son”, to distinguish- the
fact it was MY son had not fully set in, and did not set in in a sense of
‘ownership’… that this really is MY son in a unique way (even after he came out
I felt a little more like a trusted uncle, allowed to see the birth, than…
well, that special “Dad” feeling that Jay (older half bro) and Dan (close
friends with two girls) told me I would feel. I didn’t begin to feel that until
I had our first quiet one on one time- holding Conor while he slept later that
day, while Kat slept nearby, alone in the room). Rather, I say “the child”
because it was the entirety of the experience that fascinated me- so much so
that when it was over I wished I could see another birth. Even now, I regret
that men can’t be midwifes and that there is no practical chance for me to be
an OBGYN now… I wish I could actually help do that again and again. And not
just because it was my wife, my child… but because the experience was so
incredible. Medicine and health truly do run in my genes.

A lot of men get bothered by blood or
seeing their wives in such a situation. I winced a little at the fact I knew
the blood coming out was from tearing, but I had also been told tearing was
normal- as was blood, and perhaps some was coming from the uterus as well. I’d
never seen a birth before, so I did not know that she was bleeding longer, and
heavier, than was healthy by the end of it. My Mom, being a nurse, did realise
this.

Crown!

The head crowned- it came up and close, and
immediately the jacket came off and table came up. I excitedly told Kat, after
many long encouragements before, “This is IT! She’s taking her jacket off,
you’re doing it Katrina! This is almost done! The baby is HERE! It’s just about
over!” I’d given her a constant narrative- telling her how close his head was,
how her lips were staying open because of his head being closer, all because I
knew she needed to know details and have proof she WAS getting closer. Just
hearing “it’s closer than before” fifty times over isn’t enough, I felt, and I
think it was right.

Linda expressed she was prepared to do an
episiotomy- I know I felt a tear would be better, because it tears along the
weaknesses in the muscle instead of just straight through it, however I was
going to trust to her experience at this point. Another push came on as she was
preparing- she probably felt she had some time, that Kat wouldn’t be able to
get it through quickly. More head came, then more, then his eyes… and suddenly
POP! You could audibly hear the pop sound, and in three seconds… nose, mouth,
shoulders… back, butt, feet, splush. He was out. As my Mom observed, Linda
blinked and had to quickly reach out to catch the head- she had no idea it
would happen that quickly. The combined release of pressure because of the tear
(the pop sound was perhaps partially the effect of Kat’s internal muscles
tearing more) and the force Kat was pushing with shot Conor out. Suddenly he
was laying there, grey skinned and with a slightly bent head. Yet not nearly as
drastic as I had seen/heard before, and his eyes… his eyes were wide, bright,
and beautiful, the most normal and yet abnormal thing about him were his
incredible eyes.

To be continued with Part 4... and moooore new cutey pictures!

*sighs* I'm in a bit of a moping mode. Lately I've tried my best to
help give Kat the rest she needs, and to support her desire to have
quiet time with the baby- and the fact that since she lost a LOT of
blood in the birth, and refused the fourth packet of blood (which they
said was fine, just that she would be unusually tired for a while)
because she wanted that I.V. out. However, because I am the one leaving
the message for people- explaining that they will go immediately to
voicemail, that Kat needs her rest, that they may need to wait on her
calling back at her convenience... already at least twice I've clearly
been looked at as a barrier between "them and her". As her husband,
I've taken up that responsibility. As a man who dislikes being the "bad
guy", I take the blame even when Kat makes the choice. Lately I've been
encouraging her more and more to call people back- "Kat, it's been
almost 24 hours or more, you need to call your grandparents back", etc.
When she doesn't do this, they begin to feel upset- even though I will
admit she needs her rest and if she doesn't WANT to talk she shouldn't
have to. But... the result will be anger at being "kept away", and the
result will also be that *I* will be blamed.

What am I really bothered by? Well, recently a relative called- and I
showed Kat and asked her if she should call them back. No, she didn't
want to, she enjoyed quiet time with her baby. I told her she should
probably try soon, since this relative hadn't called before. Then, the
same person calls back again... I hand Kat the phone and she calls
back. I tell her a few times, aside, that she should tell them what she
told me- let them know that she is tired, was having quiet time with
the baby, etc. She does mention her blood issue, but she just chats on.
Finally, WITH them on the phone, she scolds me for interrupting her. At
that point, I left. Why? Because here I was the one trying to get her
to call her family back, and with the scold... well, she won't even be
honest and explain herself to them. I just want honesty. I dislike
being the 'bad guy'. I want Kat to stand up for herself, to start
telling her family what she really feels. I know, I know... if she did,
they'd blow at her, or just get quietly angry, and that would crush
her. She doesn't need that right now. But... it's sometimes hard to be
strong, knowing it means that being that will make me take the heat.

In the end, I'm glad Kat has had a quiet week. She's exhausted- even a
ten minute conversation with a relative exhausts her. If they touch on
certain topics- even a little- like wanting her to fly out there at the
end of her maternity leave- that makes her REALLY stressed, since she
doesn't want to do it but can't SAY it because she knows they'll react
harshly. Even an unspoken hurt hurts her deeply. I'd be glad to take
the heat, to tell them, but she knows they just would never listen to
me- and they'd just go back to her- and it'd be even worse.

But she loves me, and she supports me, and she's an incredible woman. I
just want her to stand up for herself more. To stand up for what SHE
wants, what SHE desires. All her life she's tried to protect others she
loves- and put her needs last. That is a very, very good trait. But now
that we are a family, there are certain needs and priorities that
cannot be ignored. As the husband it is my obligation to stand for
these things... but so far, with family, my role has been trying to
encourage and strengthen her while she tries her best to stand on her
own. But now, with a new baby and very little strength, she can't do
that. But I can't do it for her, even if she let me... her family would
chew me, spit me out, and then go back to Kat to demand answers. Kat
*would* stand up for herself then- but she'd shatter, she'd break, and
she'd be miserable and depressed... and angry that I forced her hand.
Any advice welcome. In the end, I think I know what to do... you just
caught me in a moping moment. I hate it when Kat has to put on a false
face.

-Patrick

No pain, no gain… but not always

I felt badly Kat had to go through so much
pain, but I knew we both wanted the same thing. I wanted to stop her pain, but
not at the risk of the baby or a healthy, normal birth. However, when I heard
that this was just the beginning- I knew she couldn’t take it, I also knew this
wasn’t what we were prepared for. As soon as we induced, everything changed. So
I asked Terri about the effects- and got really good feedback. The epidural
would probably let Kat sleep right away, her body would continue to push and work
at the baby even with her able to rest. Since her water broke at 5 PM Thursday
she had a time limit too- if she couldn’t give birth by 24 hours, she would
have to look at a c-section. An epidural would give her body more energy,
because she could rest, as well as make the pain less. Less pain would mean
better pushes, too. As soon as I heard this, I told her to start the epidural.
Kat only cursed at me once in the whole labour- at one point when I said no
epidural, she said “You apple!” (ahem, apple being a more intense word, of
course) Well, she proceeded to bless me in about as many ways as most women
probably curse their husbands in labour. She was so relieved, even the pain
bothered her less. They had us all leave- apparently after a husband fainted when
an epidural was put in, they made a rule not even I could stay in. When I came
back in, the epidural was in her back and she was already relaxing.

I don’t regret waiting- I wanted to make
the best choice, one both of us wanted. I didn’t make the choice for the
epidural until I knew it was the best one, for sure- but I didn’t put it off
just because of a blind desire for a natural birth. To me, the priorities were-

1)      Healthy Mom, Healthy Baby

2)      Vaginal birth

3)      Natural birth

a.      No pain meds

b.      No induction

Obviously, one you start one of these
interventions, others start piling up. I wanted to avoid a c-section all I
could, short of endangering Kat or her baby- we BOTH wanted this, and had
discussed it in detail before labour was even months off. We made a birth plan,
discussed all the details, and were ready- I knew what she wanted, so that when
she couldn’t hold to it, I could. I’m glad Terri followed our wishes and told
Kat “If you want it, you have to talk it over with your husband.” I realised,
however, that at that point on Thursday afternoon, avoiding pain medication
served no more purpose- and it might make a c-section more likely.

A Breath of Fresh Air

Thing got a LOT better. Kat was able to
relax, the pain eased, everything was good. I went to sleep early, and so did
she- she got a fairly good rest, I did too, and it was not until around 4 AM
she woke up, and about after 5 AM I did. Shortly after, she had begun to feel
some SERIOUS pushing. She was checked- they couldn’t even feel her cervix.
Fully effaced, FULLY dilated. As soon as her body started serious pushing, the
baby would start coming. The day before he was high- he had dropped down
already. My Mom and Sister stayed the night at our house- which is 10 minutes
away if traffic is clear, instead of the 40 minute drive their house in Chapin
would have been (maybe 30 minutes if they’d driven FAST). I called them, and
later our birth helpers Sean and Gina- and they came.

Round 1: FIGHT

Time gets a little blurry, but I know by 7
AM she had started full second stage, pushing for the finish. Normally only two
people, husband included, are allowed to stay for delivery. Terri, wonderful
woman that she is, wanted my Mom to stay in as well as my sister- so it was
three of us. I think it was partially because my Mom was a nurse, too, and knew
what she was doing- as well as the fact Terri felt there was enough room that
staying strictly to code wasn’t necessary.

Due to the pain medication, Katrina’s
positions were limited- mainly to her back, or sides. She stayed on her back
with Terri, while I held one leg up and Colleen held another. Mom focused on
the ‘north end’, putting ice on her and providing ice chips and water.
Everytime a hard contraction would stop, Kat almost always wanted some ice
chips- and the latex gloves filled with ice could NEVER be cold enough!

She pushed a lot, and by the time she
stopped Terri could spread the labia and we could see his head inches down- and
the light coloured hair it had! However, Terri finally called for more epidural
medication- she felt Kat needed to rest. It was her decision, after some time,
that she was narrow enough that there was a 50/50 chance- at that point- that
the baby could make it without a c-section. Kat didn’t really need to hear
that, because she wanted him OUT and would be glad for a c-section if it just
ended it.

Terri, however, did say one thing that I
appreciated- “This doesn’t mean it is over yet. I don’t want you to get a
c-section and then look back and regret it, feeling you could have done better.
I want you to try hard, so that if we do a c-section, you will know you did
your best.” At this point her shift was over- but she had said she would stay.
However, she came in shortly after and said that she had appointments, and
would let Linda Ballist take over. At the time, I was very disappointed, but
not only was Linda one that Kat really liked- she also was the most experienced
of all the midwifes in natural birth! I believe Terri purposely handed it over,
knowing that Linda could best accomplish what we were hoping for at this point.

To be continued with Part 3...