You may claim this is just a figure of speach, but I literally dreamed last night that I was logging on xanga and shocked to find tons of comments on my entries... not just my most recent one, but some older ones too. We're talking 13 comments on one I remembered there being maybe one comment on. I was shocked, but really excited, and was reading through them all and commenting back. I was like "I won't give up on xanga after all!"

I don't know exactly why I dreamed that- I guess deep down I miss comments, but xanga tends to come and go in waves. And I have no illusions that becoming a xanga-lock site has also reduced traffic. And I'm sure some folks dislike being visitted back because they visitted here. Perhaps being anonymous is important to some people. *shrugs* Anyway, I'm not sharing this to induce guilt, I just thought it was an amusing thing to dream about AND remember, since I rarely ever remember my dreams.

-Patrick

Watching the today show this morning, I began the episode thinking that
perhaps they were exploring a new aspect to the present day restraints
put on a mother. They started out speaking about the trends, how
initially women fought for the right to work, then began to try to
juggle a job and a child, and now are beginning to stay home more.
However, they brought on an author who basically said that women who
were staying home, but did not have the capability to support their
children by themselves were, and I quote, "Letting your children down"... because what would happen if they divoriced, or their husband died?

I must say, I was quite bothered by this. I was tempted to ask her
"Have you practiced preparing meals with your feet? What would happen
if you lost both arms, and you couldn't make meals or provide for your
children? I dare say that you'd be letting your children down, then."

And yes, I'm sure that she would try to dismiss the argument as silly.
However, from a Christian perspective, that is how essential the
marriage relationship is. The early Church was clearly told they had a serious responsibility
to widows- to provide for them a place to live, food to eat, finances,
etc. Why? Because it's just as though they had lost a part of their own
body. To say "make sure you can do the exact same kind of job the other
can do, or else you are letting your family down" is like telling you
to make sure you can walk on your hands incase you lose your feet, and
to be able to write and open doors, prepare food, etc with your feet
incase you lose your hands. Life doesn't work that way- each part is absolutely necessary and does a very important but also unique job.

Replacement parts?

So how dare she tell women who are married, and want to stay home with
their children, that they are making a mistake? How dare she criticise
that choice, or criticize them for not being capable of supporting
their family with one job alone? My Wife is capable of supporting our
family, just enough- and she's obviously not 'made for it'. One day she
will be able to stay home and I'll take up the position of 'bread
winner'. Each of us has a role, and she uniquely has been able to fill
the role she is in now- but every woman should not have to.

What the author fails to mention is how the common trend of both
parents working has created a trap. The cost of living has gone up, and
it is almost expected that both parents will work. Jobs used to be
under pressure to provide a certain level of benefits to their
employees because in the past, that was the norm- one man had one job,
and that job had to provide the benefits to support his whole family.
We want the freedom for both genders to work, and that is fine and
fair- but should we sacrifice the freedom for that same gender to not
work? Is it right for those who are zealots about women working to try
to force their ideals on those who believe that their primary place is
caring for the family?

Not a lesser job

I'm responsible, for the time being, of the home and my son. I will be
the first to say to anyone who dares to claim that this is not a job,
a heavy responsibility that is equal in every way (and in some ways,
BEYOND) to that of the spouse who is working... that they should take a
trip to the centre of the Earth, lather up in crisco, and bake a while.

Is it perhaps the fact that human nature says whatever we don't have,
we want? I'm not sure. I just know that managing a home- preparing a
meal list, shopping for groceries and doing a wise and good job of
purchasing them (those homemakers who actually save coupons and plan
around sales and such have my deep respect), preparing meals every day,
doing some tasks the 'long way' to save money (home-made items as
opposed to store bought, for example, like home-made yogurt), keeping
the house clean and organizing it, taking care of children and making
sure they have healthy meals and mind-inspiring activities during the
day... and then, after it is all over, still taking responsibility for
house-hold tasks and children?

That's a JOB. And it is a job that if you don't have one person
primarily repsonsible for, it will result in feuds, frustration, undone
jobs, and more. For a house to run at its best, I sincerely believe
that you need someone who takes charge and heads up that part of life.
And the responsibility of the Husband (especially when he's not like
me, the home-maker) is to finish up and assist with tasks that the
homemaker has trouble finishing. And it's the responsibility of both to
focus on how they can support the other better with their job rather
than how to get the other person to do their job in the way they want.

I really think that society is making a trap that will force women to
HAVE to work, or else risk hurting their family. I know plenty of women
who might reply to that author, "And let me go so far as to say if you
don't shut up, you should be shot."

To say hands are less useful than feet or that feet are better than
hands is foolish. But even more foolish is to say that in order for
them to be equal, hands should be used like feet... we'd end up walking
around on all fours all day long, and what would we be then?

-Patrick

Day

Birth

Day

Birthd

ay

Birthday!

Actually, I'm not like most folks who seem discontented with birthdays once they are considered 'an adult'. I believe Paul said something about being content with whatever state he is in- and I think that applies to my age. Whether I am 23, 25, 28, 30, 35, 40... whichever, I'm happy to be where I am at because I'll never be here again, there is always someone who wishes they were here where I am, and it'd be really sad to live life in constant discontent and yearning for what I am not.

More than that, I really don't see a need to be discontent. I see the potential for more good things in the future, and regret for past misuse of time merely encourages me to use my present time better. Maybe it also has something to do with growing up with older parents- quite honestly, my present age doesn't really seem that old. It'd be kind of mean for me to say so, because how would that make people who are older feel? "Arrogant young sot" is probably something close to it.

I am proud to say that I am:

27

I'm actually looking forwards to 30. As a guy, that seems to me to be a nice even age. And when I'm 40, I'll be in full swing as a Dad... Conor will be, wow, around fourteen or fifteen then!! Of course that doesn't beat my Father-in-law, who was around that age when his Daughter married me!

And when I'm 50- whoo hoo, I can hope by then I'll have become a seasoned and mature husband and leader in ministry, and not allowed the difficulties and hurts of time to swell up into bitterness or unforgiveness... or immobility and resistance to change. I know there are hurts ahead- eventually, the first death of someone close to me will happen. First death of an immediate family member, too. Illness, hurt, it's all part of a sinful world. But there will be birth's, too- new children, maybe I'll be blessed by a daughter. New friendships, and new closeness with God.

And if I don't live to make it to one of those marks, well, that'll be fine too- after all, as the Bible says, await His coming with anticipation. There's the dichotomy of the struggling desires of both wanting more time to bring others to Christ, and yearning for Jesus to come- either for everyone, or as a personal home-visitation.

So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to MEEEEEE. One year closer to Heaven.

Ha!

-Patrick

Katrina called me in to see Conor, playing in the tub and laying down in the water this time. I walked out and brushed by a little stuffed animal dog toy that talks, and immediately it responded in an overly-cheerful female voice "Sooooo big!".

I turned, looking the cotton-filled menace square in the eye. No, you did NOT just say that.

Back went my 'so big' leg, and wham, I sent that little annoying wad of fabric flying out of the hall and into Conor's room to land in the middle of the floor.

And then... "YAAAAAAAY!" it shouted.

Whomever got our son that sarcastic, masochistic toy should be dragged through a muddy street by their toes.

-Patrick

My First Party

Well, we've all had birthday parties and the like. I've had them, and even at my Bible college I went to a birthday party or out with friends. But until last weekend I had never been to what one would call a 'real' party- the kind that young adults and college students throw. Now, I can say I have. I was shocked and amused at how, in many ways, it was quite identical to a few of the movies I've seen that have college parties- in other ways, though, it was different. Perhaps because of the fact it's the South, there were Christians there (after all, I was invited by friends who attended that were Christians even if a lot of obviously non-practicing ones/non-Christians were there), and it was clear that there were a lot of ties of friendship and people looking after each other. But there was the token person passed out on the couch, someone puking into the 'chip bowl' due to lack of any other available container. It wasn't all that wild, quite honestly- and an interesting introduction into the 'college life culture' that I never had when I was actually IN college.

Don't worry, I quite definitely behaved myself. I did a lot of listening, a lot of observing. Lots of people drank a little much, even the guys who invited me got tipsy- I, for one, nursed the same rum and coke all night long and drank less than I normally would were I drinking wine at a meal with my family. I learned quite a lot.

Unique Outside Perspective

For one, I learned that almost everyone I spoke to there was not the typical image I might have of the yuppy college kid. I had tons of interesting conversations, and most of the people there were attractive, brilliant young men and women... only one or two people out of twenty to thirty (they came and went, so not all at once) were potentially in the 'iffy' category. One guy I and many others nicknamed "Skeezy" because... well, he was obviously rather skeezy.

So I learned almost everyone there had something intelligent to say- some brilliant minds and wonderful conversation. I was also amazed at what a diverse cultural experience it was. College in the movies, at least the 80's 90's ones, was relatively mono-cultural. But here, there were students either from other countries, with mixed cultural heritage, or who had been involved in travel around the world and were experienced with diverse cultures. It was an intercultural studies student's dream!

Morality

I left feeling really good about being there. I saw some things that made me feel good- positive. Even the people who were obviously leading lives that would fall short of Christian morality, or who didn't seem religiously committed- they had brilliant minds and the potential to be open to listening to the truth, if it was presented in a way they wouldn't just 'filter out'. I listened and I learned a lot, and was able to make careful questions and statements that seemed just right.

I saw things that troubled my heart. Guys hitting on girls, girls even allowing and welcoming it- I wanted to walk up and say to the girl "You know, you're so much better than him." or "You are such a valuable person! Don't ever sell yourself short." I also found myself, a very non-violent person who has never been in a fight since elementary school, wishing I had some self defense skills so I could step up and tell a guy or two "Hey, back off, she needs space." As it is, I tried my best to be supportive when it was called for- and observe, because some pretty mature guys were there and seemed to be 'keeping an eye' on things.

I saw some morally questionable choices too. I found myself grieving- actually grieving- that these brilliant, caring people had been drawn into making these choices.

I realised that if Jesus were here on this Earth, this is one of the places He might be.

So I left the party, a party that some Christians might either regret going to or say I never should have gone to ("oh dear, there was drinking and all sorts of 'sinners' there") and felt like not only did I need to be there for myself and for others, but that I needed to allow future opportunities to try to develop friendships started there.

Good Impression

Apparently, by God's grace, I somehow made not just a good impression- but a really, really good one. Perhaps it was partly because I was one of the only sober people there, and so I was able to make good conversational choices and they were more inclined to like them. I left before the end of it, and apparently that morning the friends there talked it all over, and many of them had positive things to say about me. I was invited to a future birthday party of two brothers that I met there and got along well with, and future parties by two other people including the host and his brother.

I'm convinced the Lord allowed this for a reason, and so I intend to prayerfully pursue such opportunities.

I'm beginning to understand the perspective of some of the CIU student's I've known who really felt the CIU "bubble" was detrimental. I've never really gotten as exposed in my life to the 'culture' of people my age as I did that one evening. But the timing was good, because with the experience I have now- I felt like I was able to make wise choices and be a positive influence.

Oddly enough- something about me, partially the fact I didn't drink much but perhaps something else- seemed to make some of the folks there, particularly the ladies I spoke to, feel a little embarassed at drinking so much. It was kind of odd, really. It was like they wanted me to drink more so they could feel better about being drunk- the fact I was sober, and very well thought-out in speach, seemed to make them question themselves. I wonder if perhaps the presence of the Spirit within my heart had some effect? I would hope so- as a believer in Christ, the greatest compliment I can receive is that they can see I am "different", but in a positive way.

Oh, and for those who have heard the phrase that we want others to see "Jesus in us". Well, it's not quite the way it is intended, but I had one Asian girl tell me that I reminded her of Jesus. Probably the fact that she was tipsy and I had a beard effected it, but still... being compared to Jesus for any reason is always a compliment.

-Patrick

An Audio Presentation

Yes, after singing a similar variety to Conor for fun- and getting much
attention and many smiles and giggles, I decided to share this with you
just for the fun of it. It's not polished nor is it prepared, I just
thought I'd be silly and have fun with my toddler and let you listen
in. This is what Conor has to deal with every week. I wonder if he'll turn out sane?

Oh, and so you know, the rather bad generic British accent was on purpose.

-Patrick

Note- Conor's favourite was the punk/growling type one. He just thought it was a blast.

Quick Dry

When I married my
Wife, I had a bit of a private and unique habit I had developed for drying
quickly after a shower. To me, it seemed to make pretty good sense- she laughed
at it at first, but then suddenly she picked it up and was advising her friends
to try it. I thought I’d pass it on for your laughter, though I think maybe
some of you who laugh will later try it and find it particularly useful.

Ever get out of the
shower, towel dry, and then put on your pants and shirt- only to feel some damp
spots you missed? I just hate that feeling, knowing that my clean, dry, warm
underwear and clothes are now damp. There’s nothing better than taking a nice
shower and then getting into dry clothes and being completely dry. Well, I
never was much for blow drying my hair, but my Sister and Mom were- there was a
blow dryer in every bathroom. So one day, I thought about it- the whole reason
I was damp was because the towel just wasn’t as effective in finishing the job,
and as a guy… well, we have hair to deal with that most ladies do not. Laugh if
you will, but it is just true. A towel won’t always cut it, even a big one.

So, I tried the hair
dryer on the spots that are typically missed- you know what I mean, those damp
spots that the towel just doesn’t always cover. I even use it on my neck,
because when I use my electric shaver my skin has to be –totally- dry, and the
blow dryer does that nicely.

Yes, Kat laughed when
she saw me doing this early on in our marriage- but now, I walk in and see her
doing it too. Who’s laughing now? J Try it sometime- though I highly recommend
that you use your dyers warm or cool setting, hot is NOT advisable especially
in tender places!

Mentor Meeting

Well, my friend and
associate pastor Gary came by today to our home. He comes to our house, because
during the day I don’t have a car- Kat has it- and so he is kind enough to come
to us.

I understand why women
often do that ‘last minute chicken-with-your-head-cut-off clean up the house
like CRAZY’ dash when people visit, now. Kat had forgotten Gary was coming, and
so she cleaned up a bit, but you could see things stuffed here and there
(clothes in the entertainment centre, hee hee; toys on the floor). It really
wasn’t messy, but it wasn’t ‘completely clean’ either- for a family with a
child, it was fine. Anyway, Gary worked for the social services prior to being
a pastor, so he has an eye for details. He looked around, looked me in the eye,
and said “Patrick, this is unacceptable. Your Wife should be able to come home
from work every day to a completely clean house. The glass on the doorsteps,
you should have cleaned that up immediately- it shouldn’t be there.” He hit me
(verbally, of course, not really!) hard, and repeatedly. These are your
responsibilities, and this is what you should be doing.

He was encouraging
too, and gave me a hug when he left, but he pulled NO punches. He was also
sympathetic, in that he expressed that I was doing a job (just as Kat was) that
I wasn’t ‘wired for’- here I was trying to be a better homemaker, when Kat was
wired to do that and I should be the one supporting the family primarily. But
he understood how for this season in our lives, this is how it needs to be- and
so I have an extra hard task ahead of me, trying to grow in an area that’s
naturally difficult for men to grow in.

As the homemaker,
though, I have a job to do- and as a husband that job is even harder, because a
husband should always do more work in a day than his Wife, and handle any
‘rough edges’ his Wife has trouble handling (ie- if the room is a little dirty
here and there, even if its Kat’s job to clean it, I should polish it off for
her, etc). Most importantly though, as a spouse I should be focusing on my job
and how I can help Kat do hers- not on Kat’s job, and what she isn’t doing. And
when she IS struggling in doing her job, or meeting my needs, it can be traced
back to what I am not doing, myself to support her. It is all
interconnected- as spouses, male or female, I promise you that if you look at
ways your spouse is failing to meet your needs you can find a way that you
could be helping them or failing them (sometimes they aren’t directly
connected, either.).

I learned from our
“The Power of a Praying Husband” Wed night men’s meeting, that I’m looking to
my Wife for affirmation- unlike most men, who are physically attracted to their
Wives as the basis for their early love, we met online and my first attraction
was based on her affirmation of me and respect for me (that usually comes AFTER
physical attraction with many men). So as she began to affirm and respect me
less, my attraction was less- and I learned that I need to receive my
affirmation from God through prayer and quiet time, not depend on DW for it.
The fact I depended on her made her see me as weak, which made her respect and
affirm me less, which made me feel weaker, etc, etc. As I depend on God for
that affirmation, I gain strength- as I gain strength and meet her needs
instead of seeking for her to meet mine, it will be easier for her to
eventually respect and affirm me, which will only add to my strength and
caring. But I must take those first positive steps. She cannot MAKE me depend
on God- I must choose too.

Whether you are a
husband or a wife, it is important to depend on God- and not seek to meet all
your needs with your spouse, who will always fail to do so properly. And most
importantly, when my DW is struggling or failing to meet certain needs because
of bondage to her past or weaknesses, it is my job to pray for her regularly.
What I cannot change, God can. Prayer changes both my Wife, AND MYSELF. J

-Patrick

Be My Guest!

Conor and I had finished breakfast together, and I had to use the restroom. To entertain him, I knew he liked songs- and I realised I had not tried to entertain him yet with my long repertoire of Disney songs! Well, that absolutely had to be corrected. So after finishing my business, in our bathroom surrounded by mirrors (Conor could see himself, and he loves that) I began singing and dancing with him to the song Be Our Guest from Disney's Beauty and the Beast. Well, he was both delighted and at points a little baffled- all in all I think he had a wonderful time. I think foremost on his mind was Wow, I've never seen Daddy this crazy before...

Well, we'll have to do it again sometime. However, as an encoure to his giggles and happiness, I decided to do it again... only this time, as I sang to him, I recorded it.

So, realising I will probably blush later, while I am still on the high of the fun, I shall post the song. At points you will notice a gap- that is usually because Conor started giggling or 'singing along' (which, for him, means loud "aaaaaaaaAAAAh" yells- not upset, just LOUD).

As a side note- I did sing ALL of this from memory (that is, I learned it when I was still a kid, and I do still remember every word) with the exception of the long choral part at the end, where I did get 'help'. If I get good feedback and you enjoy this, I might record other 'conor songs' or Conor moments I enjoy doing, like the 'powdered buns' song I sing everytime I change his diaper.

-Patrick

EDIT: I will admit my voice isn't in perfect form, it's hard to focus on what you're singing as well when you are dancing around with a baby and trying not to rip the mic out of the compooter.

Sensible Sweet Tooth

From SheKnows, here is a little portion I found on desserts that can satisfy a person's sweet tooth when eaten in sensible and small portions, without breaking a diet or leading to a binge.

So if you're watching your weight, but want to occasionally dive into something sweet, try these ideas below!