Well, it seems now you can be a part of facebook without being in a company, school, etc. So I joined it. 
I'm there as "Patrick Ross Flanagan". Anyone else here on facebook and care to link up? I don't have much of a list of contacts or groups yet
-Patrick
I have mentioned before putting up a segment from a song that my part is in. I play a minor role in the beginning that 'dies' in the first few minutes of the play, and for the rest of the play is a 'dreamer' or, basically, a ghost that sings in the background and sometimes accompanies Mary on stage- representing her past in some way. The chorus sings a lot of times to fill out major pieces, add body (ha ha, just saw the pun there- a ghost adding body!) to a song, and also little side songs here and there like this one. This is a song that the ghosts sing as a slight transition that happens after my character and his partner find Mary alone, tell her her parents have died, and then they later 'die' themselves and join the chorus to sing about Mary prior to her arriving in England.
You will note that my part is the obvious 'deep voice' that jumps into the piece. I'm delighted to have the chance to play this, and it will also give me an opportunity to become known amongst the theatrical community and perhaps get the chance for more notable parts in the future!
-Patrick
As some of you know, I am blessed to be a bass in the chorus for the musical A Secret Garden. I am so excited, and so I want to share some of the absolutely, hauntingly beautiful music from it. Here is a duet, as flashback of sorts from the lead male 'Archibald'- the father from the previous song I put up- singing with his now dead wife about when they met. I'd love to hear your thoughts. I adore harmonies, and this is a breath-taking one. It makes me wish I was a tenor, just so that I could sing this song with a partner.
-Patrick
Edit Note: This is from the broadway soundtrack. That's NOT me singing 
I WISH it was. Hee hee.
This is from the musical Secret Garden, and is the Archibald Craven reading a bedtime story to his son, who is sleeping. His son has never spoken to his Father, and his father always comes in at night whilest his son is asleep and does not wake him. His father has a hunchback, and worries that his son will also have one- and his son has always been rather sickly.
I'm reminding myself today that it is better to eat LOTS of really healthy food, than to eat very little with occasional bursts of unhealthy food.
I had some carrots today, a whole grain roll, a little fresh apple juice from home-juiced apples, lots of gatoraid, a romaine salad with oil and vinegar, and then I'll admit I kind of splurged this evening with a gyro. But I feel better about that than just skimping all day and then splurging for dinner. I can't help but be worried by my emerging 'pot belly' and seeing how my face is filling out- it's probably just a normal full right now, but if it keeps at it it will go beyond that. I see my older Brother and my Dad, and how they developed around my age into their 30's, and I am terrified of becoming... well, fat. And, not to be rude, but they are both overweight and I never want to get that way. The last few weeks it's been predominant on my mind, but seeing a few other blogs on her have cautioned me how I have to be VERY careful how I go about loosing the weight I've gained and keeping a healthy weight.
-Patrick
Can anyone on here listen to my audio blogs, or even have the speed to be able to listen to my audio posts? I have not ever gotten comments on any audio portions I have put up, so I was curious. As a test, I am putting up the song posted below again on this post- and I'd appreciate you letting me know if you can access it or not.
It helps me to know if there is a point in audio blogging at all. After all, I work pretty hard not only to blog it, but also to edit it up and try to get it small enough- then upload the whole thing.
I made a new blogring today. For those who do not already know, they have increased the number of blogrings everyone can have! Normal users can have 20 now, and premium users (as well as lifetime users like myself) can have thirty. So I created a new blog-ring for homemakers. Specifically, a support ring of those homemakers willing to give or in need of support/encouragement/advice/etc to and from others in the same situation. It's important to me to have one specifically for this purpose, because I believe a lot of homemakers out there need this- and specifically, one that is clearly stated to be open to both Moms AND Dads so that everyone who joins knows they are willing to share their time, and give and receive support from both. I looked in Wikipedia on homemakers and found this portion:
Men, like women, choose this role because they enjoy being an active
part of their children's lives and do not want to be away from the
family as much as their fathers may have been. Families vary widely in
terms of how household chores are divided. Depending on the country or
region in which a stay-at-home dad lives, he might find more or less
social support for his decision. In some regions where traditional
roles prevail, a stay-at-home dad might be shunned by the stay-at-home
mom peer group.
Unfortunately, such is the case with many in the Christian community, and sadly especially within the Southern Christian community- where I live, here in the Bible belt as well as online. I hope that maybe I can encourage those homemakers I have met on here who are not of such a mindset to join this webring and perhaps even find some stay-home Dads lurking around xanga who will join up too.
I've noticed that after a somewhat recent encounter I had regarding the homemakers blogring I am in, other blogrings have popped up- all of which have a clear reference to "female; women; Moms" etc in them. Which is actually good, because it will avoid the conflict and hurt that can arise when a young man like myself shows up.
Just remember- we're adults here, we're parents who are leading our children towards adulthood, and as we do this rather tremendous task we were designed to need each other's support. We also have the God-given ability for discretion, for self control, for restraint, etc- and just like we don't have to fear a black person- because of their race- and assume they will pull a knife on us if we don't keep an eye on them, we should not fear someone because of their gender and assume that relating to them at all will overwhelm us and make us vulnerable to harm or deceit. I'd like to think I'm not the only stay-home Dad who, like any homemaking Mom, is struggling hard to be the kind of parent my son needs and just wants advice and support from others in the same position.
So, let's encourage each other, love each other as siblings along the same path, and help us all reach the goal of being better parents.
-Patrick
Note- take a look at the earlier post, to hear a song from the musical I will be in (Secret Garden) called 'wick' It relates to the post just before that one.
It is really amazing to see how everything I do, am doing, and have done has effected who my little Conor is. Some things have positive effects short-term and some negative effects over the longer run, whilest others are the opposite. Most commonly, in fact, it is the opposite- real shaping requires rules to guide and rules always end up with short term frustrations.
I must say this- a routine is really and truly so vitally important in my babies life. I wish I could make a better and more regular one, because I know for a fact it would only help. It was so special this morning to put him down for his morning nap, and just like yesterday morning he didn't even give his initial cry. Of course it is usually just about a minute long, maybe five at most- but now he has startled me by just laying there, looking up at me. Or perhaps it is also the discovery that he can entertain himself and enjoy it when he doesn't want to sleep- so he just gets up as I am going and starts to find something in his crib to fiddle with.
He already reminds me of myself. He has the potential, and can be, so very stubborn and defiant- he has the willpower to lash out against control and the desire to do things his way. Yet when I clearly show and guide him through what I want him to do, consistently use punishment to make clear what not to do and encouragement to reward the right choices, that process helps him to see what is expected of him. Once he knows that, he delights in doing it. It is a process of saying 'You may think this would be better, but if you do this you'll end up being much happier'- and when he finds it is true, he is quite happy with it all.
See any parellels to us and God here? I think I do.
I love my little boy so much. I have to admit that until a year or so of age I could say I love him but I didn't 'feel' like my feelings matched the words- I didn't feel this intense bond that Kat obviously had with him. I said that I would enjoy it the closer he got to becoming a 'little person'- to being able to talk and interact, and now I realise how true that is. Kat and other mothers can look back at the baby stage and miss it or cherish it- but I just get more excited the more he grows! I love him more, each step of the way, and now that I really see him bridging the gap between baby and person.
Quite honestly, and you might think badly of me for saying it, the only thing I could compare him to before was my own animals growing up- and honestly, even now at times there are ways in which our daschunds are much quicker and more intelligent than Conor. He can't hold his bladder and go outside to pee, nor can he stop and sit and wait on me when I say "stay" or come when I say "come". His 'natural intelligence' is still very immature- but his higher intelligence is what sets him apart and is unique, is what I see coming out in him. His natural intelligence may be below that of one of my old pets, but his higher intelligence is coming to life and making it clear what an incredible person he already is.
Sorry, terminology might be confusing here. The basic theory of natural intelligence is that there is the kind of intelligence which allows an AI in a computer to beat the most talented chess player in the world. However, that same AI would be woefully incapable of beating a horse at the basic tasks of living in a herd and surviving even one day out in the open. The task of avoiding danger, learning survival skills, relating to and caring for others, moving around successfully, etc... this is natural intelligence. And a fully mature adult dog probably has more mature natural intelligence than an eight year old boy or girl might, in some ways, and a wild animal even more so. Because the whole idea of natural intelligence is the ability to survive individually if necessary (and while pet dogs are dependant on us, if we dissapeared they have enough natural intelligence to find a way to live on their own for quite a time- an eight year old child is not developed enough that without some sort of 'provider' they could survive individually).
Of course, that same dog could never compare to the aforementioned eight year old in any sort of fashion when it comes to higher intelligence- the eight year old could probably easily outsmart the dog in other fashions.
Ah, the intricacies of the human and animal mind. I think it's one reason that having a dog for a pet is a good thing for a child- because each can learn from and support the other in various ways.
Of course, most Moms probably wouldn't readily be able to/desire to detach themselves and observe their children in quite the same way I like to- looking at the development of natural intelligence versus higher intelligence, etc. I know that talking along that vein with my DW is a great way to start a fight- the mere idea that I might compare any part of Conor to an animal for any reason infuriates her, and stepping back to categorise his development and what is going on in his mind/actions is pointless to her. I suppose that is just part of a combination of personality difference and gender too.
It's interesting how I- like Kat- would easily give my life to protect Conor. I would defend him against any harm, and would be deeply crushed if he were hurt. But I am able to talk about potential life or death situations about him in a detached manner, without getting upset- ie, 'we had better keep him in the carseat, and keep the carseat in the back of the car, otherwise he'll go flying through the windshield...' (and elaborate if necessary). Likewise, I can think through all the various ways he could get hurt in our house, without getting upset in the least about it- rather, with a purpose, knowing such pragmatism will protect him better FROM those very things happening. I know it sounds a little grusome, going on a "how many ways could my son get hurt by my house?" kick- but while ignorance might make my life happier, IF he ever did get hurt because I didn't do that, how happy would I be then? "I WISH I'd thought of that..." would probably be my main theme while we waited for him at the hospital, hoping he'd be okay.
But I don't think I've ever met a Mom that could do the above without getting very emotional about it. I'm a full-time caregiver and a VERY emotional person- I cry everytime I watch Beauty and the Beast (the cartoon, of course) and Shrek. But there is some sort of difference between us- between male and female, beyond just personality- that allows me the one approach, versus the other. And in the same fashion, I think BOTH are necessary in raising a child.
After all, it takes detachment in order to be able to punish your little one at times- knowing and holding onto the fact that the long term result will outweigh the short term, and not allowing emotion to cause over-punishment or under-punishment. It's similar to the way that I'm able to act quickly and efficiently in emergencies.
Well, enough ponderings for the day. My mind has gone all over the board this morning. Enjoy the day!
-Patrick
For those who want to hear what I put in the last blog, here is a sample of said song. It's not the best song in the entire musical, but it is a lovely little piece and probably one of Mary's (the little girl character) best vocals.
Dickon: Ay op. Hello there, Mary.
Mary: Ay op. Hello there.
Dickon: But why are you in such a bad temper, Mary? Are ye weary of lookin' for the key?
Mary: No, I found the key.
Dickon: You did? So I see. You're weary of lookin for the door.
Mary: I'm not weary. I found the door too. The garden is dead.
Dickon: A lot of things what looks dead is just biin' their time. Now you tell me exactly what you saw.
Mary: It's cold and gray. The trees are gray, the earth is gray. And there's this clingy kind of haze over everything.
Dickon: Like a body were in a dream.
Dickon: But did you take a look real close look at anything? Did you scrape away a bit of the bark and have a real look? Mary, the strongest roses will fair thrive on bein' neglected, if the soil is rich enough. They'll run all wild, and spread and spread til they're a wonder.
Mary: You mean it might be alive? But how can we tell?
Dickon: Oh, I can tell if a thing is wick.
(song)
Dickon: When a thing is wick it has a life about it.
Maybe not a life like you and me.
But somewhere there's a secret streak of green inside it,
Now come and let me show you what I mean...
You clear away the dead parts
So the tender buds can form.
Loosen up the earth and
Let the roots get warm
Let the roots get warm
...
Dickon: It will.
Mary: Then have no doubt about it,
We'll have the grandest garden ever seen.
I am so deeply privileged! Last night, Sunday night, we had our first meeting for the musical- a read through of the script and, as we were informed, perhaps the only time we will gather together in an almost whole group prior to a month before the play itself (in June, whilest the play is in July). I have heard, of course, the broadway soundtrack all through several times. But let me tell you, it was quite a thing to sit down in the theatre with most of the cast and add my voice to the spoken dialogue- even if I just had a few lines here and there. Already it is clear that the director and producers did such a meticulous job choosing just the right people for each part, and the two Marys and Collins (they'll swap out, apparently, on differing nights) are each astounding. And that is before even having seen them do their dancing and singing!
What a delight- hearing the actor playing the father do such a rich and well accented performance. I cannot wait to hear them sing their parts!
I am an understudy for the gardener, Ben Weatherstaff, and while it would be a true delight to get to stand in for him- my true delight is as a chorus member.
I remember I used to be so eager to get a chance in choir, particularly in high school, to be part of the ensemble. Instead of a choir of four or so basses, there were only two bass singers- and two or so of each other part, a smaller group. I thought, similarly, the chorus of 'dreamers', or as the director wants to honestly call it- the ghosts/dead (less confusing that way, really- since each ghost represents an actual character you've met in the beginning). That I can see, the chorus is actually played primarily by only four characters! I am the only bass/baritone part- and how exciting that is! A bit challenging too, since it will be my first time singing without anyone else doing my part in a chorus.
I really am delighted, since the part is definitely low- very powerful, and it carries the power and heart of the choral songs. Oh I am so delighted! I would much rather sing a strong bass part fitting my voice than strain through an awkward lead role and feel idiotic.
After this, auditioning to 'just act' will be a sinch- hardly anything in comparison. Going on stage to talk out a part infront of a crowd? Yeash, that's nothing compared to having to put your voice on display- you can easily recover a missed line or a misstep whilest acting, but one cracked note or off-key word? No hiding that.
I'm so excited to be part of such a lovely, detailed, and well chosen production. They're already almost halfway through raising the $10,000 needed for costumes alone- they are making, from scratch, period costumes for the late 19th century look each character will need. The director has done this musical at least once before- so she has a very good, solid idea of what she wants to do and what will be needed.
I am the only adult actor there who seems to be brand new to working with either this community theatre or any of the others in Columbia. Fresh meat, I suppose one might say. It made it a little awkward being the only one not recognising familiar faces, however I am sure with time I shall get to know people here and there- it's hard to ignore me. 
I am already feeling excited and, quite honestly, hooked. Many people acting in this are doing other productions at the same time! It makes me wonder about trying to get involved, myself, in more acting opportunities. Adding this to my resume of acting/singing credentials will surely help future pursuits, as well. For now, however, I will simply eagerly anticipate and prepare for this musical.
I have a pretty decent job ahead of me. Memorising music has never been too hard, but I will need to learn the few lines and then the choral parts for Major Holmes. Secondly, and quite a task in and of itself since I never know IF I will actually use it- is learning the enterity of Ben Weatherstaff's role, just incase I need to sub for him. Fortunately it isn't a character with a lot of primary dialogue- and I want to do a good job so that if I do have to sub, I can impress them with pulling it off well.
My Road Runner cable internet is back! So that's why it has been a little bit. I missed you guys over the weekend! I hope to see more of you now!
-Patrick
My pastor is an incredible man. There's no question he is a true scholar and man of God. There has rarely been a single thing he has said I disagree with- the only thing there has simply been his perspective on divorce, in that he feels there are certain times when it is better to end the marriage then to continue it. I'm not strongly bothered by that, but I'm still not certain I agree- but I don't consider it a top level issue, either.
However, last night at a Bible study he did share something that bothered me. I've really delved into some issues and gotten some heavy Biblical study on them- we're talking years of delving into some of it, but in the end, the most important guide has been, I feel, the Spirit as to what to make of the Word of God. After all, it is the Holy Spirit which allows our minds to open up and receive the truth- a man with a spirit that is 'unregererate' (has not been renewed by the Holy Spirit, after having accepted Jesus as having been sacrificed on his behalf, and thus been 'saved' by the grace of God) cannot possibly fully understand the things of God, as is said clearly in the Bible.
What bothered me was on a rather controversial topic. Two things actually bothered me about it but the most vital of the two is the fact that to me, it bordered on a concept that can potentially lead to universalism (the idea that Jesus sacrifice was enough for everyone, regardless of whether they know him or not or choose to accept him). The concept that it is possible for a person to go to heaven even if they do not know of and accept Jesus Christ. Of course, when asked, my Pastor's response was that the Bible makes clear that those who reject Jesus will not receive eternal life but he feels that nowhere does it say that it is the same for those who do not know who he is. It is a convincing argument, but what bothers me is that it is convincing not for its scriptural soundness but because of its emotional appeal.
'There is no one righteous, no not one'. Our pastors perspective is that we are born with the inclination to sin, the tendency to do so and when we are capable of making that choice we will do it- but we are not born guilty, rather born innocent. Likewise, he feels those who never hear of Jesus will be judged based on their own tendency towards light.
Quite honestly, all of those beliefs have an emotional appeal. After all, based on our concept of fairness, we don't WANT to think that unbelievers around the world who never hear about Jesus will go to hell. And what parent EVER wants to imagine that if they have a child that dies before being capable of accepting Jesus... well, need I really complete the thought? It's appalling. The fact is, on that regard, I *feel* in my heart God does provide for that- God is a loving God, and as Dr. Andre Rogers once said he personally feels those children and people who never reach a point to be capable of rejecting Christ are with God... but, there is not enough scriptural evidence to make a doctrine of it, and he has to admit that he cannot really say he knows. If pressed, he would have to say "There is no clear evidence for it.", but he'd never tell a grieving parent that if possible- he himself lost a child right after it was born, and so it was not easy for him to admit it, but it is, he felt, the truth. Where there is no strong scriptural evidence, we cannot build a doctrine- we can only have an opinion on a lower level than other matters.
And I feel very very strongly on the matter of unbelievers. God 'reveals himself' in general revelation- that is, through our conscience, through the world around us, through our natural sense of right and wrong. So we KNOW we are doing wrong- people who have never met a Christian, naturally know some things are right and some are wrong. Thus by their own conscience they are guilty- and so, however 'unfair' to our limitted sense of justice it is, ALL are guilty of sin and ALL will be seperated from God UNLESS they receive 'special revelation' (are told about Jesus' sacrifice for them) and accept it rather than reject it.
It is based on this believe that missions is driven- if we DO NOT tell the world about Jesus, they will never receive that opportunity, and they will die both physically and spiritually because of their sin.
I believe this much very strongly. So it deeply dissapointed me to be told last night, by my pastor, that he did not believe this. I will have to think about it further and decide how critical a matter it is- I know that God is with our church and so I don't think it is a matter worth steping out on, but it is still a matter that bothers my spirit. I plan to do a lot more research on the matter- I mean, I just wrote a ten page doctrinal statement relating to sin and salvation last August, so I'm kind of brushed up on it.
So, pray for me as I try to wrestle with how to best handle this major difference in perspective.
-Patrick