The human mind is something like an advanced computer. It learns, and part of the learning process- as we see even in infants- is seeking out patterns and attributing significance to them. My baby hears bathwater and his clothes are taken off, but a new diaper is not put on- at first, perhaps he attributed bathwater to having a bath. But then, over time, he repeatedly heard water running without a bath happening. He would have his clothes taken off, but only to change his diaper and occasionally taken off to change or such. Yet over time, his brain was able to put together and establish a more complex pattern- clothes off PLUS bath water running always equals a BATH. I love baths, so the two happen and I get excited!

Eventually, though, he was taken into a shower. This really upset him- he expected a bath! So his initial reaction might be confusion and anger, his expectations were destroyed- not just once, but repeatedly. So now his mind has to figure this out- is his previously calculated pattern no longer relevant? Well, that cannot be, because it happens again. So, how does the shower mix into things? What is the significance of it, and what tells him it will be a bath but not a shower, or the other way around?

The way our brains our made naturally seek patterns and sort similar information like this- we seek it out, seek out the meaning of it. Animals do this too, but unlike animals, humans have a unique thing- we, being created by God, have been given a spirit and instilled with a desire for comunion with Him and to find a higher meaning in life. So as we grow, humans begin to seek out patterns to explain why more complex things happen in life. This is how routines develope, how rituals and superstitions emerge, and even how false religions have grown- through our need to understand, to attribute signficance to patterns and establish our security in this world. To sate our natural need and desire to understand and even personally know a higher power.

Someone close to us gets very sick, and we feel helpless. We need to understand this- to find a pattern. How did this happen? Why? What can we do to prevent it? We happen to note that when we feed them a unique food- say, corn on the cob, the very next day we notice a signficant improvement and eventually they get better. For us, that becomes our pattern- our explanation. The more we prove this to be true to ourselves, the more corn on the cob becomes a special, sacred remedy. Perhaps it does not work sometimes- so, looking for patterns, we try to explain why that time it did not work without loosing our security established by knowing that corn on the cob is one way we have of predicting and controlling the world around us that seems out of control.

We seek both security and control. The only problem is the God revealed in the Bible provides us with complete security in him and promises about specific things, but accepting these means giving up our personal control. The ultimate security is knowing that God, who is all knowing, exists everywhere, and all powerful, has everything in complete control and while we cannot always understand 'why' we know that there will come a time when we who have accepted His gift of eternal life will be allowed that understanding and until then that is where faith comes in. Yet many of us desire ultimate security, but also ultimate control- both of which cannot be obtained, and we end up sacrificing true security for false security, true control for the illusion of control.

Some people see this tendency in humans and so assume we act this way with everything- including all religion, and that all religion and belief is such a symptom of desperation. They never stop to think- where does this desire come from? Why do we keep thinking, convincing ourselves over and over again hundreds and thousands of years at a time, that there must be this higher power? And there must be a way to know it?

My answer is the Bible- that when we were created, we were created to be intimate and close to God. Adam and Eve had a regular, daily, personal relationship with God in a way we cannot yet hope to understand- though one day, I think we will. When this was broken, the desire and yearning for it remained in our hearts- the marks in creation around us that there is a God, that He does exist, remain. Yet our human tendency- as the Bible tells us, our inherrent sinfulness passed onto us from Adam and Eve's mistake, also causes us to twist and distort the truth. We want to meet our need to know God, but we also have a distortion of these needs- a need to meet our selfish interests. Often times, men would rather know a false god that meets both their need to be intimate with the divine and their need to please their other desires- desires for things, sex, contentment regardless of consequences to others, a life seeking after self-gratification instead of other-focused. The Bible, taken clearly and directly, does not allow for this kind of life- the God there does not permit us to live for ourselves, AND for him. It is one, or the other.

Faneasha

Chapter 1

It was twilight at the old wizard's house.  A dark, blue smoke curled from the chimney,
twisting like an old man's beard.  You
could almost see the dark, mysterious shapes of the bats searching the sky for
food.  Their small bodies darted this
way and that.  Inside Alaric, a young
lad of fifteen, stood in battle stance. 
He was a tall, slim, young man, with strands of dirty blond hair slip­ping
over his eyes.  His bright blue eyes
which lit up his face were centered on his enemy, an old rocking chair. This
was the old wizard’s favorite chair, to be exact.

          "Die evil
scum!  Succumb to my wishes or thou
shalt surely meet thy doom!" He shouted vigorously at the old chair, then
suddenly lunged at it, barely able to lift his heavy sword.   Alaric hacked away at the unstable chair,
pretending the sound of wood breaking was truly the sound of bones crunching
under each of his mighty blows.  It was
a very strange sight to see, unless you had a big imagi­nation, like Alaric's.

          Finally,
the battle was done.  There lay the old
chair in a pitiful heap.  Alaric felt a
hand touch his shoulder and jumped in surprise.

Just a very short little snippet of something that I suppose, considering the length of my life, could be considered something of a "life's work". Not that my great achievement would be so short or simple- it is just more my 'first work'. Started when I was thirteen, I wrote until I was fifteen- eighty pages, before stopping. Now, Nephew has continued his Uncle's work- age thirteen himself. In a strange way, then, Michael and I are both authors of this work at the same age of thirteen or so. I started it, and with my guidance he is finishing it. I just felt like using a few pictures I had taken in the past to illustrate my introductory paragraph. Nothing particularly enthralling here, I realise- but considering that I wrote ALL of this when I had just turned thirteen... not too shabby I suppose. I cleaned a few sentences up earlier today just to give it a nice polished sheen.

-Patrick

Birthday Life

For those who know not, April 2nd is my birthday- I probably mentioned it already here. Today was a good day. As one finishes college and moves into normal life, I think some forget how important birthdays are. They will always be special for me- I am never ashamed of them. I like to get excited on them- parties, fun, sharing time with others, being remembered and remembering others on their birthdays. After Taiwan, I was told- in a meeting in which, at the end, I was informed I would not pass my internship and thus would not graduate CIU (it ended up, two years at least)- that I was immature for being so excited about birthdays by my faculty advisor in ICS. I say this not resentfully, or with ill will- simply stating what happened. He felt that he did not make a big deal of his, and the fact I felt bad when my supervisor in Taiwan did not think I should make a big issue of mine- well, he felt it showed immaturity in me. The head of ICS, being there, seemed to agree- or at least said nothing to disagree. Since this was the meeting where I was told I would not pass, I assume this clearly was one of the (perhaps many) reasons they did not decide to pass me. I was not ready for ministry- and apparently, being excited about birthdays was one of those reasons.

I've never had quite as happy a birthday in the two birthdays since.

It was always a special time. When I turned thirteen, that birthday I was kicked out of my first Christian school- on a Friday, on my birthday or around it at least... and I was sad, but still happy about it. My friends still came, I still loved it, my parents still celebrated it. Life was still good. When I turned eighteen, I was forced to resign from high school at Ben Lippen because of a disciplinary action at Ben Lippen High School- a mistake I made caused it, so I was not completely innocent at all, though I'm not sure it warranted what happened- regardless, I loved my birthday. Some sad things have happened on it, but I still loved it- it never was a sad time for me. I always liked it celebrated, unlike Kat, who gets depressed on it. I saw it as a time people shared their love with me- I love people, I enjoy knowing I am loved, and I enjoy sharing my happiness with others. I like being silly, having fun, acting like a kid sometimes.

I have decided that no matter how old I get, no matter if I am thirty, fourty, fifty- a pastor of a church, a missionary to Cuba, Taiwan, anywhere... a father of one, or five... even a grandfather... I will always be excited about my birthday. I will always look forwards to it, no matter how many things happen on them, bad or good. Even if nobody but my family remembers, I do not care- God made me, he put me into this world to celebrate Him and life, to be joyful. If someone disagrees- if someone sees that as a negative trait for ministry- then, with love and firmness, I say: they are wrong.

So, happy birthday world- happy birthday me- happy life day!

You know, the only non-family member to contact me today about my birthday- to wish me a happy birthday or anything- was Sandy Wensley, a good friend of mine (heh, now at least- we kind of clashed back when she was with me on the small CIU France team at least... what, four years ago or so... something like that) and a missionary-in-prep to France. Thank you, Sandy, it made me feel happy.

-Patrick

On Our Mission Transfer

Here is the latest news on our transfer to the Looffue tribe in Alaska...

In case you did not pick up on my attempt to point it out- APRIL FOOLS! Hopefully the date on the post (April 1), combined with my link to find out more about the Looffue tribe (which clearly states APRIL FOOLS joke, and explains) combined with my added PPS... and now this... makes clear that Kat and I are definitely NOT going anywhere that we know about anytime soon, and we just decided to have a little fun with you.

I pulled a good one over on Kat this morning, too- and she laughed with me when she realised the joke was on her. =P I told her that I was pulled over for speeding 75 in a 60 zone by a police officer, and he told me that I was looking at- at least- a one hundred dollar ticket. He went back to look things over in his car, and came back and said "I'm giving you a warning this time. Thank you for serving our country, Sir." You see, my car- because of my Dad (my Father is a retired army Colenel)- has USAA insurance. Of course, Kat was more interested in how I got sidetracked enough to be speeding like that- but agreed it was incredible that he let me off like that thinking I was in the army. Well, I said,
"You know what is even more incredible, though?!"
"What??"
"What he wrote on the warning he gave me!"
"What? What did it say?!"
"It said..."

"APRIL FOOOOLS!"

She looked at me for about ten seconds, as I grinned at her, and then slowly began to grin guiltily as she realised it was a joke... and she fell for it. Then she started laughing, saying "I can't believe you!" It was really great. We had a good time with it.

And tonight...

Birthday Night Extravaganza

My Birthday is tomorrow, April 2- which is how I always remember April Fools day. So we just got back from a wonderful birthday meal at a particularly nice northern Italian restaurant. A wonderful meal- we ate from around 8:30 PM to just before midnight! Now THAT is a wonderful, European style family meal! Woo woo! Great way to ring in the new Spring and daylight savings time, not to mention my birthday!

And for tomorrow, Katrina is going with me to the international festival here in Columbia- at the fair grounds they have booths and places all for different countries around the world, with differents foods, etc. I'm excited!! My sister will be coming with us, too.

Until next time!

-Patrick

Mission: Now!

It is absolutely AMAZING how God can work sometimes! Sometimes slooow... sometimes, VERY fast!

Things are going quickly now, so I don't have a lot of time to talk in detail- nor call people and explain. Right now, all I can say is WOW. Because I've been working closely with pastor Justin, the church knows us pretty well, and even though we've kept our eye and heart on Cuba for a while now a sudden and urgent opportunity and need has arisen in Alaska. Talk about the OPPOSITE of Cuba They've called this Saturday morning and personally requested to meet with us today about accepting a last-minute mission assignment to work in a church plant with the Looffue tribe of the Inuit- ie, what the layman would call eskimos. Kat is a little shell shocked, but everything is pointing- including our church leadership- towards the fact that this is definitely a God thing. If this works out today, we'll be leaving this state- everything- in the next two weeks. By May we'll be living in Alaska and learning eskimo-speak! Shame it is Summer- though I've heard Summer is beautiful in Alaska, if COOOOLD- as then I could learn to build an igglo. It is a small tribe in a northern region of Alaska, and part of why missions to it is so effective- and important- is because they are hard to access so have been previously ignored by many missionaries who are focused on more exotic locals like South America and Africa. So far, we know that when we go, it will take an entire day to get from the nearest major town to the tribe- and the town is the nearest phone, too! Apparently up in Alaska, due to its nearness to the pole, there are communication difficulties there. I wonder if it is Santa's workshop interfering?

Anyway, lots still to work out today. Don't jump to any conclusions or anything until we meet up and go through some meetings, talks with the pastor and previous missionaries, and we'll probably sign a few things too and all that paperworky stuff. So, feel free to comment, but keep an eye out for a post later tonight!

-Patrick

PS- To find out more about our potential future work and the Loffue tribe, you can look HERE.

PPS- In case you haven't figured it out yet... APRIL FOOLS!

Dining with Conor

Conor's Guide to Eating

"Oooh, who's the cutest little bundle of cuteness?"

"I am, I am you strange furry man! Hee hee!"
"Conor... diiiiinner time..."

"Did you say... Dinner?"

Conor is set into his seat, awaiting to be catered to.

"Hmmm... okay... this tray seems a little empty to me..."

"Ooooh... I see the food... yes, bring it here... liiiittle closer... good girl, that's a good Mommy."

"Aaaaaah, that's the ticket. Tha- *mmph* tash wash I'm talking aboush"

"Ahem, would you pardon me? I'm eating here."

"Ahem, well, if you must... Cheeeeese!"

Watch now, as Katrina's motherly instincts kick in, and without even knowing it she begins to make eating motion with her mouth. What a fascinating study of human behavior.

"Now, remember..."

"Never talk with your mouth full!"
Ohhh, only with babies could this be so cute. If he did this again in ninety years, I think I would need a private moment to compose my stomach.

"Brrrrrrrr... brrrrrr... ppplllsssh..."
How he loves making sounds with oatmeal stuff.

"Gooooooo!"

"Now, where is dessert?"
Okay, you have to admit- that is just cute.

And that is this episode of Dining with Conor, where elegence and style meet... oh, who am I kidding, he's sloppy as crud, but so cute you just wanna reach in and pinch his cheek anyway. And it just gets messier from here! Wait until he goes on from cereal and apple to other foods he can REALLY make a mess with! And then juice! Oh the joy, the horror, and yet the joy.

This episode of Dining with Conor was brought to you by the letter C- for Cute- and by the number 4- because he is four months old still.

-Patrick

Conor's First...

Solid Bowl Movement

(aka Conor's first BIG POO POO!)
On Monday, March 27 Conor had his first solid poo! I liked calling it "bowl movement" not just because it is a proper term for it, but my parents always use that word- it is their medical background. When we were little, we always learned to say the 'correct word'- we said "penis" not "pee pee", for example. I knew what "urine" was by the time I was four. Anyway! The only thing to change prior to this special occasion is that Conor started eating apples! So the week before this, at some point, was Conor's first fruit- and second solid food after cereal. We use fresh, hand crushed apples (I sound like a description on the back of an apple sauce brand, don't I? "...prepared under the warm South Carolina sun with that special tart flavour only this warm southern state can provide... blah blah blah, we'll make anything sound good won't we, since South Carolina is known for apples about as much as the eskimos are known for coffee growing."). Hand crushed using our nice lil baby food grinder! A wonderful gift from family, greatly appreciated. Now we can take that little grinder anywhere we go and as Conor eats more foods, we can just pop them in and grind them up there. All-you-can-eat buffets here we come! Pop in a few fresh apples, some steamed greenbeans... whala.

Cold

On Tuesday, Conor officially started his very first bout with any kind of sickness- cold (or flu, not sure... but not stomach flu. Katrina seemed to think that if you do not throw up then it cannot be the flu. Of course, it can- flu's do not have to be limitted to the stomach and nausia symptoms. But then again, I know that since I grew up being told it over and over by my own personal medical team). He may have had hints of it Monday, but it came out Tuesday when I had come down with it on Monday myself. I sympathise with his cries of complaint- it is a really heavy thing, I'd say it is more than a cold myself because colds aren't this much of a whopper. When he breaths sometimes you can hear the fluid in his lungs- usually when you are feeding him particularly, he'll have to cough and choke a little since it is hard for him to eat and deal with gunk and clogged sinus'. Yikes. But he is doing well with it- just a little more fussy than normal. I am sure that the antibodies in Mom's breastmilk are helping him quite a lot. A non-breastfed baby would have a heavier onset, I firmly feel.

He actually has behaved himself very well recently, particularly this morning. And despite the onset of sickness he is still quite well in the brain! It is fascinating to see him develop every week. The weekend often seems to be when his experimentation pays off. It is almost like after the work week of hypothesizing, he applies it when Katrina is here on the weekend. Of course, Kat is like "Well, of course he does this now!" and my response is, "Hey, I was here all last week, and while he did something like this, he never really did it quite like that!" Pushing up, for example. He'd done it a little, but I saw him do his first really long, steady push up last week- holding himself up in the crib and looking around. This is a big step, since until now he would just cry. He couldn't actually get himself far up. Now that he realises he can, he likes to hold himself up with his arms, in 'ready to crawl' position, and look around. He just needs the coordination now to start crawling. That should be the next step. Way to go Conor, four months old and already just about ready to crawl! Not only that, but at sixth months or beyond is when they are supposed to be able to "brrrrrr" their lips, but he's been able to do that for weeks now. Woo woo! He also can stand with someone holding his hands, and make little half-steps. We'll have him typing his first book in just a few months, now, so pre-order your copy NOW!

Celebrating 'my' Day

Take a glance at my luminaries!

They have a greenish hue because- well, they are green bags! And while all this was going on, no no my friends, my family did not miss out on the celebration! Even Conor wears green.

Like Mother, like Son- Kat is known as "Frog" at work, and even dressed up as a frog two Halloweens ago. Now here is our baby, in his Froggy towel-thing. Say HI Conor!

"I don't like being COLD."

Today I was eating a pear infront of Conor, and as I started chewing it he gave the biggest grin! He would grin as I ate, and especially as I chewed. Then, he took his hand and put it in his mouth, and started gumming it! Isn't that adorable? It is like he tries to mimic me normally, and this time he saw me eating- and so tried to practice on his own! For fun, I tried putting the soft pear in his mouth to see if he would gum it (obviously, I was not going to let him eat it) and he chewed a little. He seemed a little perplexed as to its flavour, though- "Hmmm, to like or not to like? That is the question." We can start feeding him apple stuff whenever we like now, too. Right now I think we're sticking with cereal.

Oh... just one more little bit of news...

KATRINA has gotten a PROMOTION!

Not just any promotion- she is a SUPERVISOR of a department!

Yes! You heard me right! She had an 'unofficial hint' yesterday, but today she was called and formally asked to accept the job of supervisor. She'll be moving buildings- but same company of course, Blue Cross Blue Shield of SC. She even will have her own office off to the side of the main "gopher hole" work area where her employees will work. The woman who hired her was obviously very impressed with her. We didn't get the salary we were hoping for- we got the 'minimal' one (that is, the lowest they give for that position)... but that's not bad, since it is still tons higher than her current salary. Also, it is EXACTLY the salary Kat and I had talked over and decided would be what we would need to live "just comfortably" without outside 'assistance'. Obviously, God has arranged this little situation to perfection- and there is nowhere to go but up as far as that goes! I am sure Katrina will have plenty of room to perform her best!

She will start her job in around two weeks- the first week of April or so (like, the 4th I think). It sounds like her fellow employees are very happy for her! Not just her supervisors- her peers too. It sounds like Kat- she's so likeable that even those who are still going to be there are happy for her.

So, that is wonderful news!! God HAS provided for us- through all of yours prayers He has blessed us with JUST what we need, perhaps even just a little more since my parents will still be helping us. The most important thing is- their help is now going to be optional, and not required. What a blessing and joy! I think the first thing I want to do with our new funds when they begin to come is, is going to be to give an extra financial gift- beyond our tithe- to mission work. I know some people, Kat included, are like "What? We get more funds and so we GIVE it away?" But to me, this is all God's doing- not our own- and the best way to praise Him and keep our hearts in the right place is to give as we receive.

Thank you for your prayers, and know that GOD ANSWERS THEM!

-Patrick

A mark of wisdom and maturity is that as a person grows older they become more teachable, rather than less.

We know Jesus to have been the wisest man ever to walk on Earth, and yet every day and night he sought to be taught by the Father. Children and students spend their young lives eager to grow older so that they no longer need to be taught. It is a common insight that the older a person is, often the less open they are to new teaching- especially by someone younger. Pride and arrogance are the enemy of wisdom.

Saint Patrick's Day

I shared earlier the special day that had arrived. Saint Patrick's Day is a special day to our family. We celebrate it because of our Irish heritage, we celebrate it because- well, I AM Patrick after all, so it has been rather fun growing up to think of it as 'my day'. Most importantly, it marks the formal beginning of our family. On Saint Patrick's Day 2001 (I believe that to be the correct year) I formally proposed to Katrina beside Lake Murray. We had put luminaries alongside the path to the lake where the fire and bench were waiting along with some romantic music playing- not to mention Katrina's favourite romantic song which began to play at the time I offered the ring to her.

Later, when Katrina stayed with our neighbour MaryKay, she was told that MaryKay thought that when she saw all the luminaries up she thought perhaps it was an Irish tradition of some kind since we were the Flanagans. We decided even before this year that, as a family tradition, we should try to put up luminaries every Saint Patrick's Day to celebrate this holiday in our own, special way. I thought of the luminaries because growing up in Fort Belvoire, VA every Christmas season we would put up luminaries for Christmas Eve- "To show Santa the way for his Reindeers to land". I remember how, with just plain brown paper lunch bags filled with sand and a candle, they were SO beautiful. So God brought that to mind when I proposed. I remember filling bag after bag with kitty litter (since we lacked sand!) and a candle on a hot day.

It was a lot more fun this Saint Patrick's day! We had tried to do it last year or so, but for some reason something came up- maybe it rained or such. This year we did it! I got light and dark green bags (you can buy coloured small lunch-type bags at a craft store, I went to Michael's) and I went to Home Depot to get sand (it was only just under $3.00 for a 50 pound bag, and I got two... it was 'play sand' to fill a sand box with), and at Michael's I got short floating candles. Basically, little bitty candle in a 50 pack with metal on the bottom. Note- these candles only last about three hours, four at best (most died well before four hours)... for 'official' luminaries that are supposed to burn four hours a night, for three to four nights, you need the more expensive bigger candles.

A Sight to See

I used a full size tall plastic cup to fill the bags up- I did about thirty or so bags in all. What is neat is, I spent under $20 for thirty beautiful luminaries and I could have done even more with just another $2 pack of bags. I lined the tree-tunnel drive up into our housing area, the drive behind our apartment (well, in front of if you like- we have two entrances, one on each side), and the little porch-type place on the other side. I also set a few out here and there for decoration. As it got dusky, I went out and- using new long nose lighters Kat bought on the way home- lit each and every one. I went out later, when it was full dark, to see. When I had been putting the bags out, an older fellow living nearby said "Well, if there was any doubt before...!"

It was beautiful! I took pictures, and will share them when I get them on this computer, but those simply fall short. Only being among luminaries at night truly captures it. It was worth it! I had to work hard to convince Kat to come out and see them- she was exhausted after her interview that day and a hard day of work, but I managed to do it. After all, while I am sure our neighbours saw them, she was the only grown family member around- and the reason I did all that work. If she only got to see them somewhat from the window, she'd have no chance to appreciate it all. So she finally came out, holding Conor, and saw them. For that I was grateful, since it was sad enough going about at midnight and picking them up. I was going to put them out, but most went out on their own- actually a fairly nice safety measure if you think about it, and only want to use them for three hours (though if I'd thought there would be clear skies I might enjoy letting them last a few days).

Another tradition I started that day, that I want our family to keep, is that as I blew out each still-lit candle (and there were a few) I said a specific prayer for Katrina- and once Conor can do this too, we'll make it 'for a family member besides yourself'. But for us adults, more specifically, it is something for the other's benefit- so it could be a self prayer, if it benefits the other.

Saint Patrick's Day is about Saint Patrick- and as I think about what we are doing, of all the holidays around, it is a pretty nice one to celebrate. At Halloween we used to put a lot of work into lighting up pumpkins- we don't really now, in fact many places have tried to quelch people going out on that day. I think of all the days to put up lights for, I'm glad we've chosen Saint Patrick's. My hope is, each year, to put out more and more luminaries and maybe even get neighbours to participate- we'll buy the sand and luminaries, they can fill them and put them out. If our neighbours next door with kids are still there, maybe they can help.

Conor's First (aided) Steps and more

Katrina is not quite as sentimental as I am- usually it is the other way around. So, I shall be the one to say!

On Sunday, March 19, 2006 Conor Ross Flanagan took his first aided series of steps forward!

Also, he is pushing himself up very well now! Last week, he had a lot of trouble pushing up even- but after working with Mommy last week and even this weekend, this morning for the first time I have ever seen he pushed himself up very well while trying to go to sleep. I was deeply impressed! Also, he is able to make 'motor sounds' with this lips- brrrrrr- and the pediatrician says that this is extremely early for him to be doing that! Our son is growing not only fast, but faster than normal! His body weight is evening out, but he is still extremely tall! He has also been starting solid foods earlier than normal- breast milk and bland cereal for a month already, and he is now four months old. I'm anticipating him being able to sit up unaided soon! That will be sooo exciting, since there are children who get to be over sixth months and still cannot do that. Some, with acid reflux like he had, go up to a year or more.

On the downside, I now make strange baby noises at random points even when Conor is not around.

Oh dear.

-Patrick